I Am A Neighbor – It Takes a Village

When I was raising my three sons, we lived in a typical suburban neighborhood on 124 Street in Hawthorne, CA. The modest homes all contained families with two or three children.  The exception was Mr. and Mrs. Walker who were retired and all their children were raised and gone.  My boys would tear out of the house after school, ride bikes, go to the park, run in and out of each other's backyards until it was time to come home for dinner.

Now Jay and I live in a different neighborhood in Playa del Rey.  We know all of our neighbors because we are block captains for our Neighborhood Watch.  Most homes contain a retired or adult couple or single.  The exception is the St. Denis family right across the street.  They have the only two school-aged children on the block.  The sounds and the activities are different on this street because it is not populated by lots of children.  And...maybe that is why Spencer and Sophie are so special to me.

Just two weeks ago, with the beginning of the school year, we had a knock at the door.  Our neighborhood has a policy of not purchasing anything from door-to-door solicitors.  But standing on our porch was Sophie, holding three catalogs and three order forms. Two paces behind her stood her older brother, Spencer.  It was the annual school fund-raiser of selling everything from Christmas wrapping paper to cookie dough and we were annual supporters.

Sophie and Spencer with the Fund-raiser order forms

Sophie is the entrepreneur.  She must inherit this trait from her mom, Felicia, who is the owner of the local florist, Flowers by Felicia, and coffee shop.  After being invited inside, she began her sales pitch, describing the various items in the catalogue, telling me which ones seem most popular with neighbors who have already made their selections and telling me which cookie doughs she has already tried and “OH MY GOD! They are SOOOO GOOOD!”  Did I mention that Sophie is also a budding actress, having been in local children's theater productions!

Sophie is also the “neighborhood crier” keeping us up to date on all the happenings of the neighborhood residents and pets.  One day she ran up the steps to our house exclaiming, “Pat, Pat...did you hear?  Barry's dog died!  OH MY GOD...he just died!  He was lying there and HE WAS DEAD!”  Did I mention that Sophie is a budding actress???

Spencer is her opposite.  He is older by two years, is quiet, steady and consistent.  He IS an older brother.  His job in this entire operation was to accompany his sister as she made her sales.  In return, Sophie would share any prizes with him.  Spencer loves sports and there is no sound that is more music to my ears as the mother of sons than the sound of him in his driveway every day after school shooting baskets.  His dad, Justin, is a good dad...always spending time with him and the basketball or throwing football passes to him in the middle of the street.  Justin works hard to instill a sense of civic and social responsibility in both of his children and if we come home late on a Sunday night and see that our trash barrels are already at the curb, we know that Spencer has put them out for us. 

We have known these two children since the days when each of them was born.  We have watched them go from infants, to toddlers, to budding adolescents.  They bring a sense of youth, of promise, of the future to our neighborhood.  They give so much to us and we try give to them in return.  I think we scored BIG when we were able to invite them to my son's home to see the Stanley Cup.    

Justin, Sophie, Fr. Gabe, Spencer, Jay and Patricia...all around "Stanley!"

To quote Sophie..."OH MY GOD....it is the real Stanley Cup!"  Did I mention that Sophie is a budding actress?

I Am A Communicator - Speaking A Universal Language

Two strangers meet under a lamppost at the entrance path to a bridge crossing the river.  The first to arrive folds a copy of the International Times newspaper with the date visible and tucks it under his left arm.  The second arrives quickly, wearing a blue stripped scarf and carrying a book showing the title, "The Old Man and the Sea."  After looking over her shoulder furtively, she says in a quiet voice, "The tulips are blooming in Amsterdam."  He responds, "I especially like the red ones."  A connection is made.  They can trust each other.  Communication and exchange can begin.

During our auto trip to Napa Valley last week Jay and I listened to the recent best-selling book by Daniel Kahneman,  Thinking, Fast and Slow.  A fascinating book, it discusses the author's research on the two ways of thinking that each of us possesses, the fast (intuitive and emotional) system and the slow (rational and logical) system and how these systems come into play in everyday decision-making and responding to life's events.  One aspect he covered was how we quickly size up a stranger to decide...is this person friend or foe?  He claims we have an intuitive way of recognizing facial characteristics that tell us if we are safe with this person.  I claim that in addition to our eyes, we can use our ears...and listen for a "universal" language.

Case in point!  I had made a list of places to visit on our trip that included, in addition to wineries, bookstores and farmers markets, any local yarn shops.  I enjoy purchasing a skein of locally spun and dyed yarn from a trip and knitting an item with it that will recall the memory of the trip for me.  In the town of Napa I entered such a shop called Yarns on First.

I was working my way to the back where the yarns were displayed in their little cubby holes

when I heard an elegantly-dressed woman ask the salesperson, "Do you happen to carry Madelinetosh DK?" My ears perked up.  She said "Madelinetosh"... every knitter knows what special yarn this is...kind of like the Mercedes-Benz of yarns...lush, soft, beautiful colors and $$$.  This woman is a true knitter.

I approached her.  I looked at her face and she watched me come closer.  When I reached her, I stopped and said, "What is on your needles now?"  Her face lit up and she quickly went on to tell me about the delicate little cardigan with a lacy edging that she was making for a niece.  She described the pattern and told me where she got it.  She said "Ravelry" another key word in the universal language of knitting.  Every knitter worth her merino is a member of this online knitting community website.  I told her about the Baby Surprise Jacket I often made for little ones.  YES! She had heard of this pattern and also the name of the designer, Elizabeth Zimmermann.   We continued in this vein, sharing ideas and preferences, speaking familiar words.  About 15 minutes later I left the store with a skein of hand-dyed local yarn from Sincere Sheep called Agleam.

It is a blend of washable merino and tencel, in a soft red shade with a slight sheen, named Gung Hay Fat Choy!  There is enough yardage to knit a lace shawl that will have a lovely drape.

Even more wonderful than discovering a universal language of a common interest, is sharing it with another person.  So, an added bonus to the knitting aspect of my trip was beginning to teach our niece, Jayne, how to knit.  She patiently learned how to execute one stitch, a knit, as I spoke of "working yarn," "tension," "front leg of the stitch" and "run around the tree" of wrapping the yarn around the needle.

I look forward to some day in the future, when my shawl is completed, and I casually toss it around my shoulders, and am transported back to Napa, CA, recalling the new friend I made by communicating in the universal language of knitters. 

I will end with some knitting humor that I found on an interesting blog, The Panopticon:

I Am A Traveler - Flowing Through Napa Valley

For the past 5 days I have been relaxing with Jay and our niece, Jayne, in the beautiful Napa Valley, CA.  Each day I remind myself… "Capture this!  Write a blog so you can remember how much you enjoyed your time here!”  I look at the laptop sitting on the little table, calling to me to log on, I take a breath and I think… "Maybe later!”  That seems to capture the tone of this vacation.  We have a different approach this time…we are letting the days unfold.  Instead of a focused, planned itinerary, we are “letting the spirit move us.”  We have a list of places we might like to visit, but the specifics are undefined and it is making a difference.

We used a timeshare exchange to reserve a week’s vacation at RiverPointe Resort on the Napa River in Napa, CA.  Since it had a second bedroom studio attached, we invited Jayne to leave her haunts in Chicago and join us.  We had not seen Jayne since our visit back to IL in December to help her bury her mother and Jay’s sister, Miriam. 

Each morning, after coffee we kind of look at each other and say… "What do you want to do today?”  We have ambled through two wine tours…one of the traditional technique of making Champagne at Mumm’s 

Jayne and Jay toasting a fine champagne!

and one very educational…kind of winemaking 101…at Mondavi Winery with excellent guide, Doug Nanfria.   

Jay learning Doug's "three sip" tasting technique!

Each time, after the tour, we sat on a patio, soaked in the view, sipped the fruit of the vine and just enjoyed the gift of being there.

We have taken advantage of unplanned events, like wandering through the Farmer's Market at Oxbow Market

Heirloom tomatoes!!

and discovering wonderful new restaurants like Grace's Table!

Yesterday we decided to take the Vallejo Ferry to spend a day in San Francisco.   

Jayne and Jay on the Ferry

The sun shone on us and we had a fun walking the streets, exploring the Ferry Building, eating some authentic food in Chinatown,

Jay eating Chinese Porridge and Patricia with Chow Mein Noodles

 joining in for part of a CityWalks' walking tour of Market Street and when we had enough…we ambled back to the Ferry Building to return to Napa. While waiting for the ferry we discovered a mecca...Book Passage Book Store and had to tear ourselves away to not miss the boat. 

There is a lot to be said for allowing life to evolve…to go with the flow.  While it is not endemic to my nature, it actually feels good.  Not being driven to accomplish a specific plan, it allows us to enjoy just being together.  We have appreciated having some quality time with Jayne...getting to know her better and letting our relationship grow from relative to friend.  It gives me permission not to obsess and feel responsible for everyone else’s enjoyment.  I do not have to be the Gail Storm of this cruise ship.  I can just sit back, with my knitting in my lap, look out the window at the world passing by 

Vineyards!

and make small talk with people I love.  And if we get lost…no matter.  To quote my husband, who loves to quote a line from the great Documentary movie, Young at Heart… “We may be lost, but we’re making good time!”

I Am A Mother - My Son, the President

I always laugh at the stereotypical Jewish mother who brags about "my son, the Doctor..." but I can understand the heart-strings that are pulled when one of your children reaches a goal, is acknowledged for many years of hard work and achieves recognition with a title.  My youngest son, Marc, recently received a well-earned promotion and title as President of Leader Enterprises Public Relations practice.

Marc Altieri

Quite a mouthful, but it means that of the 5 practices (divisions) of his company, Marc is responsible for THIS division AND the entire operations of their Seal Beach Office.  As usually happens, Marc has been performing in this capacity for many months and finally the title caught up with him.  He started his career in Public Relations at a major PR firm, Hill and Knowlton Sports Marketing Division in Irvine, right out of college but after years working for them and then, DirecTV, he and his colleague and friend, Todd Brooks, decided to branch out on their own and formed the West Coast office for Leader Enterprises focusing on Sports Marketing and Public Relations.  10 years ago it was the two of them and two other employees and now they have a staff of 25 and achieved the position of #1 Public Relations firm in Orange County for the second year in a row.

Gifted with tremendous creativity, Marc has been instrumental in acquiring many long-time heavy-hitter clients. In addition to these below, he has handled TaylorMade/Addidas Golf, Toyota, Bells Helmets and he even was Mark McGwire's publicist from the glory days of his 1998 home run race to the dark days of the Senate Hearings on Steroids in 2005.

At Angel's Stadium with client, Mizuno Sporting Goods

Marc has worked with Eli & Payton Manning for 8 years doing media work to promote DirecTv.

As a mom, I am very proud of him and happy for him...but in truth, it is not the title that fills my heart.  I look at the man's face and I see the child...and I see his heart.  Every child is unique.  Children may grow up within the same walls with the same set of parents and the same economic situation, but they still develop in their own way with their own personality.  So it was with Marc.

He had two older brothers and maybe that was why he always seemed older than his years but he had a focused, perceptive way of viewing life from the time he was a child.  He was always his own person. While taking pride in his heritage, he was not ruled by it.  He came from a "football" family and was raised on the quotes of Vince Lombardi, yet he was the 6 year old who walked to the neighborhood park when the kids were signing up for Little League Baseball, approached the coach, said he wanted to join the team and when told his parent had to sign him up, he gave the coach his address and asked him to come to his house, talk to his parents and get him signed up!  A baseball player in the Altieri household!! He went on to play for many years, an All-Star pitcher and catcher...and we were in the stands cheering for him.

This same focus, drive, passion and confidence to face life in a way that was authentic for him has carried him through life.  Marc knows who he is and what he believes and no matter what people, out of the goodness of their hearts suggest to him, he still makes his own calls and stays true to himself.  Because of this trait, I have tremendous trust in him.  I know if I ask for his opinion, he will give it to me with clarity and  honesty.  Marc is not complicated.

Who is Marc and what does he love?
He loves his dog, Vito.

Marc and Vito!

He loves riding his motorcycle on nice summer days.

He loves playing golf every weekend, with his brother, his uncle, his buddies.

Winning the Torok Golf Tournament!

He loves his body art...continuing to "ink" his back and arms with "works of art."

Getting some more "ink" with artist Corey Miller

He loves dressing casual...levis, T-shirts, baseball caps. And he loves the LA Kings!

He loves music, The Avett Brothers, and his drums.

He loves his family and his nephew Gabriel, spending time with him and inviting him for sleep-overs.

Marc with nephew, Gabriel

And...he loves me, his mother.

 6 months ago my mother died.  My 3 sons were there for me, but it was Marc who walked the path with me to bury her.  He met me in the parking lot before going to talk to the priest to plan the funeral. I was exhausted and bereft. He put his arm around me and said, "Mom, you just set the tone and sit back.  I will handle this for you.  I orchestrate events everyday, it is my job, and I will do this for you."  And he did.  He planned and executed the most personal funeral my mother could have hoped for, involving every person in the family, giving dignity and respect to his grandmother, and allowing me to sit in my seat and grieve, knowing that he had everything in hand.  It is the greatest gift he could have given to me.

Marc at the side, directing the funeral service while his cousins speak of their grandmother.

As with all my children, I learn from Marc. He told me once, "I am not corporate in look or demeanor. I am me." Despite the challenges and work this has put in front of him, he has managed to earn all the things he wanted and become an accepted and very well-respected pro within his industry. He has taught me the value of being a self-made person, of being authentic and true to yourself and of paying the dues to earn your way and reach your goal, of holding fast to your values.  For me, Marc is "true North!" 

Congratulations Marc!  I am so proud of you and happy for you.  You have earned this.

I Am A Recorder - Documenting Family Events

Life is precious! Life is fragile! Life slips away so fast!  Deep within my being I have a need to hold on to all those moments and people that make up my life.  So, I journal, I blog, and I seem to go through life with my Panasonic Lumix Point-and-Shoot camera attached to the end of my right hand.  Jay sometimes accuses me of seeing life through my view finder!  But no matter where I am, I find myself capturing it with pictures.

Last Sunday was such a day.   10 years ago my sons, with their close friends and Altieri cousins, formed the "MeBiga Famiglia Fantasy Football League."  All of them had grown up playing youth football and cheering for the "family teams" of Notre Dame and the Green Bay Packers.  They could all quote Vince Lombardi.  Believing they each had the knowledge to form and manage a winning team, they would pit their skills against each other during the football season by managing their own Fantasy Football Teams.  The season starts, like all seasons do, with "The Draft."  Since the participants come from as far north as the Antelope Valley and as far south as San Diego, it is usually held at a mid-point location, Los Angeles, and this year it was held at Michael's house.  The tables are set up, the stat sheets are before each participant (as well as laptop computers now!)

and the Big Board is posted on the wall.

 After preparing for weeks prior to narrow-down their hopefuls, they take two hours to very systematically make their choices.  Each name called out is either met with groans or cheers and at the end they have 12 team rosters ready to begin.

The participants and their teams (missing is Matt, Beach Warriors, who had to leave early for work):

Phil (Running Raviolis), Vince (Pasta Cheech) and Marc (MeBiga Salami) with Uncle Phil watching.

Mike Pedersen (Haganostra)

Gabriel and Michael (Migalooch Kings)

Spritzz (Just Win Baby), Joe (Fighting Mortadellas) and Nick (Palermo Ponies)

Pete (South Bend Dagos) with Uncle Joe

Fred Gatewood (Somilian Devils), Tony (951 Bromosapiens)

As usually happens, I was invited to drop-by and see everyone. I appreciate the opportunity to get hugs from distant nephews and catch up on everyone's lives...but this can only happen after the business of the day is conducted, so in the meantime I take pictures.

This year also marked a rite of passage for Gabriel as he was inaugurated into the League as a co-owner of the Miggaluch Kings team with his dad.  He had spent the weeks prior logging stats and discussing possible player choices with Michael.

Gabriel posting his "pick!"

Since it was also my oldest son, Joe's, birthday, I brought a cake that everyone could share.

Happy Birthday, Joey!

When it was over, those with a distance to travel headed home while others stayed around to share dinner.  My daughter-in-love, Milli, has become such a fantastic chef and I enjoyed playing "sous-chef" as both Jay and I helped her prepare chicken piccata, penne alla vodka, braised brussel sprouts, arugula salad and tomato salad.

Milli and Patricia

The dinnertime gave me the extra bonus of having some quality time with nephew, Nick Altieri and his wife Becky who traveled all the way from Tehachapi.

Patricia with Nick, Milli and Becky

As I reflect on the day, I know it is not an interest in sports that makes the event important to me.  I rarely even read a sports page unless it contains an article referring to one of my sons. 

Patricia with her three wonderful sons: Marc, Joey and Michael

It is the interaction that draws me in.   And now I am going through my pictures, remembering the event, remembering the laughs, remembering the hugs, and trying to hold on, just a few minutes more, to the emotions and the feelings of connectedness and love that make up my experience of life.

I Am A Diner - Enjoying Fresh Fish at the Fishbar

I want relief!  Southern California has been experiencing some unusually hot and humid weather.  I realize that those who live in places like "hot and humid" Florida would roll their eyes at this remark, but for us, California heat is not supposed to be like this.  We do not have electricity-generated air conditioning...we have windows.  Just opening them up usually gives us a wonderful refreshing cross breeze.  Not so these days.  Stepping out on to the front porch for a quick breath of fresh air now feels like stepping in front of the open oven door.  Dinner time was approaching.  I was hot.  I wanted relief.  It was not a hard decision to decide to treat ourselves to dinner by going to our favorite local restaurant, the FishBar in Manhattan Beach. They have delicious fresh fish and air-conditioning!

The Fishbar on Highland Ave.

The FishBar could be called a sports bar and we seldom partonize sports bars, but we are always on the lookout for fresh fish.  When the popular sports bar, Sharkee's, moved one block from its old location to take advantage of zoning for later hours, the Fishbar occupied its empty space on Highland Ave.  The transition seemed to take place over night.  Excited to have fish featured so close to home, we went that first week and had our first meal surrounded by all the old surfer trappings of Sharkee's but loving the fish!  Over the next months, as if little elves came in during the night, the restaurant slowly transformed itself into the lively but classier restaurant that it is today.  While the multiple big screen TVs still cover the walls, all showing various sporting events, the rest of the decor has a style that is current and classy.

As often happens when we have a favorite restaurant, we tend to order the items we have come to know and love.  For Jay every meal starts with a small order of oysters on the half shell, the house salad with a bowl of Jessica's fantastic white clam chowder followed by one of the entrees.

Jessica's Clam Chowder

 For me, I either have the fish tacos or the Mahi Mahi Mediterranean.

Mahi Mahi Mediterranean

So tonight we did our usual...we relaxed; we shared a few words and a laugh with our friend, Dan, who must rent his stool at the bar;

had a nice conversation with Executive Chef Jessica Jordan, whom we have come to know over the months;

Executive Chef Jessica Jordan with co-owner, Zac Rothman

enjoyed a good healthy meal; and after a while, we cooled down actually beginning to feel human again.

Jay...feeling human again!

I couldn't help thinking of the pros and cons of living in Southern California.  It IS paradise, beautiful nature, usually wonderful weather, varieties of activities at our fingertips.  It is also crowded.  The traffic on the freeways, the crush of people in the stores, in the lines at the bank, in the waiting rooms of doctors' offices can all lead to a desire to insulate oneself and remain impersonal, to protect my space.   How nice to have a local restaurant that feels personal, where I can connect with others and where I can feed my psyche as well as my body!