I Am An Aging Woman - Appreciating My Body

How did we do life before we had smartphones?  I could write numerous posts about how this little instrument has changed the way I navigate through life…some good and some not so good.  But for today, I am just going to focus on one aspect of it…the sending and receiving of short videos to and from my grandchildren.  

Since I have not yet learned how to bilocate, there are times when I am not able to be present for one of their activities, like yesterday’s “away” football game for Gabe’s team.  Jay and I attend all of his home games and Murphy’s Law…the one we miss is the one where he catches a pass and runs 40 yards before being tackled!  But, not to fear, on the bus on his way back to the school, Gabe sent me a text with a little video attached showing me in real time the execution of this wonderful moment!

As for Gino and Jessie…they are 2 ½ and 1 years old.  Everyday brings a new accomplishment and I get to see it on a video text…first steps, dirty chocolate hands and cheeks, a new monster mask, singing a new song, playing at the playground.  

Sometimes, like this morning, I received a “Good Morning, Mima” video from the 2 of them both chattering to me.  So I decided to reciprocate and I took a selfie video of me talking to them, thanking them for the morning message and asking about their day.  Charlotte said they loved it so I played it back to me to see what they saw.

Here comes the “not so good” part of this little instrument.  Have you ever looked at yourself on an up-close-and-personal selfie video!  Do I really look like that!  It is not complimentary.  So aged, so weathered, so worn. That is not how I look in my mind.  It was sobering.

Later in the morning I dragged my aged, weathered and worn body to the clubhouse for the weekly yoga class.  As I sat on my mat and stretched over my outstretched leg, I looked at it.  

The skin is dry despite the lotion I lather on.  There are little age spots I keep saying are freckles. I found myself massaging my leg and I became overwhelmed with a feeling of great tenderness.  I realized that this leg is 75 years old.  It is still serving me well.  I am able to take short hikes with my friend, Cindy.  I am able to stoop to weed my garden.  I am able to push the double stroller with two toddlers.  I looked at my arms and hands, both reflecting the passage of time, and think of how I am able to knit, cook meals, change diapers, even hoist up my “big boy” Gino, caress Jay’s cheek. 

I felt a tremendous sense of gratitude for this body of mine, this aged, weathered and worn body of mine.  It is not giving up yet.  The privilege of growing older is the best thing that has happened to me.  Rather than delete my selfies, I will rejoice in the fact that I am still here, that today is one more opportunity to begin again…to tell those in my life that I love them...to drink another glass of wine...  to listen to a happy song...to laugh with my husband...to try to have a positive impact.  But I think I will still refrain from selfies!  I am not blind!  But, I am grateful!

(Note: This is the first time I have embedded videos in a post, so I apologize in advance if they don't work!)

I Am a Woman of a "Certain Age" - Honoring My Body

Today I attended the Thursday noontime yoga class at the local YMCA.  It is not power yoga...but a gentler version focusing on breathing, mindfulness and basic yoga postures.  I have been practicing yoga for a number of years and each time I attend a class, I come away more centered and feeling more vital.  Today Denise led us through the floor postures as we lay on our mats, telling us to bring right knee to chest, wrap hands around it, drawing it in, extend left leg and flex left foot. I marveled at how obedient my body was to my requests.  Even as it ages, it continues to follow my instruction as best it can.  I felt a tremendous appreciation for how my body has carried me through life and asked so little of me in return.

From the time I was a child and taking tap dancing lessons at the Franklin School of Dance in Kent, Ohio, my body has performed in the ways I have asked it.

The Dancing Dolls - Patsy, Patricia, and Carolyn

I was never drawn to sports and was a bit of a klutz in high school.  I always played right field in PE softball games and could never execute an overhand serve in volleyball.  But I was the Drill Team leader

Marymount High School Drill Team - Patricia,Drill Teal leader in the center

and I loved to dance swing at high school dances, even if it was usually with my brother, Chuck!

Later in life, my body made it possible for me to bear three children and to have a fairly easy experience of childbirth.  And in my retirement years I am still able to dance the tango, run up the 14 steps to my front door, bend down to weed my garden and tend my vegetables, take walks through the neighborhood with my husband. My fingers work well when I want to knit an item, dice a potato, knead some pasta dough, or caress my husband's face.

My sister, Cathy, was born with Cerebral Palsy.   She has never known the freedom of having a body that obeys your least command.  She has struggled to do the simple things that I am able to do without a conscious thought...to hold a spoon or put on an article of clothing.  Each action takes such effort and concentration to execute. I am fortunate.

Cathy Rinaldi Swart - 2008

As I am aging, I see that my body is not as prime as it used to be.  My skin is a bit "crepey." I have some age spots.  There is arthritis in one of my fingers that hurts periodically.  The dentist tells me I have some small fractures in my teeth.  In a week I will have a cataract removed from one of my eyes.  I receive email jokes from friends about the desire to be able to recycle body parts.  Yet, as I near my 69th birthday, I am grateful for this body that has served me so well.  I love its wrinkles and honor its aging.  And while I am not ready to discard the products that keep my hair a rich dark brown color, I do not disparage the passing years.

So today I feel a commitment to do well by my body...to feed it nutritious food, to drink lots of water, to exercise it regularly and to rest it if it is tired...basically, to treat it with respect.  And the next time I take a shower and rub my body lotion on my legs and arms, I will do so lovingly and with true appreciation...honoring how loyal it has been to me through the years.

I Am a Yogi - Taking a Deep Breath

"Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape!" author unknown

On Tuesdays and Thursdays at noon, if I am not attending an Omnilore class, or taking my mother to a Doctor's appointment, or dusting light bulbs, I like to attend the yoga class at the local YMCA.  This is not the yoga seen in an infomercial at 2:00 am in the morning with all the young, tanned bodies striking pretzel-like contortions and bouncing quarters off their firm, toned skin as jazzy music plays in the background.  While this class does have some vibrant youthful bodies, most of us are women "of a certain age" who appreciate the pace and methods of our instructor, Denise.  This is not power yoga...I don't even break a sweat.  It is Hatha yoga, slow and gentle with the focus on the breath.  So today, as I slowly pushed my limbs and muscles to reach and my lungs to expand, my body sighed a delicious "yes!"

Yoga Class

I have been practicing yoga for over 30 years.  I began taking classes in a local high school gym as part of an Adult Education Program and then progressed to a regular class when I treated myself to a local gym membership.  Over the years I have come to rely on the physical and mental effects of this exercise...and there certainly are benefits to my aging body.  My muscles remain fit, flexible and limber.  I am able to retain my balance as I climb about in my garden.  I know it does not provide cardio exercise but I feel more youthful.  All this is good.  However, I think the greatest benefit is the mental one.

All the lessons of yoga apply to life:

• There is no competition in yoga; each person focuses on her own body.
• Listen to your body, and if there is pain, back off.
• Stop when you have had enough.
• Don't worry if you are not doing it perfectly; each time you try, you benefit and move forward.
• You are right where you are supposed to be.
• Do not listen to the noise in your head; quiet your mind and focus on the task at hand.
• Relax, let go, relax, let go.
• It is all about balance...and never force anything.
• Don't just do something...sit there!
• When things get tough...all you have to do is breathe.

The dessert of the yoga class comes at the end when I stretch out, lying on my back on my mat in "Savasana," the corpse pose, a pose of total relaxation.  Sometimes the instructor will talk us through a guided mediation, or if not, I just retreat deep inside, into that safe, special place where I sit with my spirit and my overwhelming sense of gratitude for my life.  I have no desire to retreat to a yoga mountaintop but I appreciate having the tools to tune out distractions and be recharged to engage in the busy world.