Monday, January 21, 2013.
How can this first month of the year be ¾ past already? The holidays with all their anticipation,
events, activities are in the distant past and for the last three weeks I have
been existing in a slump. Physically I
am fine, but mentally it is like I have pushed the pause button.
I know there is an ebb and flow to life. I know that there are peaks and valleys. But for some reason I have been stuck,
feeling like I am a dog circling and circling, looking for a place to settle
down, but each time I stop and settle, it isn’t quite right and I get up and
circle some more.
It isn’t that I don’t
have anything to do…I have a comprehensive to-do list at my left hand...activities with neat little boxes to the left
of the item. They sit there…beckoning me to just do this one thing and then I can
check it off. I read the items, place
the list down and think…maybe later.
I
have a stack of books that I have wanted to dig into for some time, books that
have been recommended or have had an interesting review, beckoning me to pick
one up and get immersed into another reality.
I browse the titles, glance at the dust jacket and think…maybe
later.
I have presentations that I need
to prepare for two Learning-in-Retirement classes on topics that hold a
strong attraction for me. I pull up the
PowerPoint template, open the course folder on my computer and activate the
internet browser and then think….maybe later.
I have a basket of yarn of glorious colors and textures nestled next to
printed patterns for interesting and intricate designs…beckoning me to select
my needles, pick up the yarn and immerse myself in the meditative action of
turning a string into a fabric. I
squeeze the skeins and think…maybe later.
Jay asks me if I would like to take a walk. I
look out the window and see the sun, the birds, the blue sky and I imagine the
feel of the fresh air on my cheeks and I think…maybe later.
Somewhere in the process of these first 3
weeks of the year I have lost my spirit and spark...I feel dried up, listless, dull....where is my “mojo!”
This morning, I turned on the computer and open my Facebook
page and someone had posted a picture from the new Downton Abbey Series 3. I love this series and don’t miss an episode
and there was Maggie Smith’s no-nonsense face staring at me with the words "Stop
whining and find something to do.”
I
decided that I am not serving myself by waiting for “the spirit to move me” but
rather I need to move myself. I need to
get out of my head and get active. So…I
picked up my tablet and immediately took care of three items on the to-do
list: a phone call to Sears, check;
items to the dry cleaners, check; straighten the sweaters in my closet,
check. I saw a packet of snow peas that
were sitting by the back door waiting to be planted so I gathered my tools and
fertilizer, did the planting and even remembered to set up the netting so the
crows do not enjoy the newly planted seeds for dinner. I picked up the novel, “The Casual Vacancy”
by J.K. Rowling…our selection for our next book discussion and spent an hour in
the rocker getting into the story and meeting the characters. And
as soon as I finish this paragraph, Jay and I going for a walk.
I know in my head what is good and what is right for
me. But sometimes my feelings and my
motivation do not match the message in my head. I know from life experience that what I need
to do when this happens is get into gear and “act as if…” Act as if I had the motivation...act as if I had the energy
and in the very act of moving, my emotions will often catch up with my body and
I will feel energized. It is easy to let myself off the hook for something my "better self" knows is right for me if I continue to wait for the feeling to motivate me. I am not always going to feel like doing something. I am not always going to feel loving. I am not always going to feel generous. I know better than to let myself slide just because I don't feel like it. Fortunately, if I
forget my own wisdom, there is always Maggie Smith to remind me.
