I Am A Grandmother - A Weekend with Mima

It is 6:30 am.  I listen and the house is so quiet.  There is no music from Peppa Pig playing on the TV.  There are no little voices screeching, “Mima, Mima,” “No Jessie!”  “Mine!” “Let’s go outside,” “Panda Cookies, please,”  “read a book,”  “tickle me,” “chase me,” “Sing ABCs,” “Strawberries,”  “I do it myself!” I lie quietly and feel so alone.  There are no little feet pushing into my side.  There is no little body pushed against my tummy.  I open my eyes and there are no two sets of big brown eyes staring at me.  The children have gone home.

I have just survived 42 continuous hours caring for Gino and Jessie. Their mother, a 24/7 mom, an Amazon Woman who never stops, finally had the opportunity to have a weekend to herself, to fly off to Monterey to attend the college graduation of a dear friend’s daughter.  Their father, who was to have been on a business trip, was home nursing a physical ailment.  I was asked and gleefully accepted to care for my two grandchildren.  No problem, I have raised three children, I can do this!

I now understand why we are fertile only when we are young.  I begin to think that my body may actually have an expiration date.  Being the fulltime caregiver of 2 toddlers is an extremely taxing responsibility and yet, one that fills all the cracks and crevices in a psyche.  While their attention spans last about 3 minutes, I seem to go from pillar to post in an attempt to keep them occupied.

We went for walks,

we went for rides, 

we visited Bump at the golf course and got cookies from Kate.  

We visited the neighborhood dogs and watered the plants in the garden.  

We played with Play Dough 

and navigated Youtube for Kids for videos on the tablet, 

we worked puzzles.  

We ate  strawberries,

               eggs, 

chicken, Panda Cookies, hotdogs with ketchup, Panda Cookies, Big Bird Bars, 

Pizza, 

pasta, Panda Cookies,                              ice cream, 

cupcakes, and.... Panda Cookies.  

We looked for boats on the ocean.  We read books, we sang songs, we played Zingo.

I even imported some help in the form of cousin, Gabriel, who helped keep Gino occupied by building Legos and talking about Super Heroes. 

Both toddlers are talkers and the day is filled with “why?”  At times I cannot understand what Jessie is saying as she speaks to me with her eyes wide open and a little smile on her face.  I turn to my translator, Gino, and ask, “What is your sister saying?”  Jessie turns to him and repeats what she has said.  He turns to me and says, “She says she wants to sing ‘wheels on the bus.’”

The house looks like a train wreck.  Jay tries to pick up the trail of toys but I tell him to just leave it be.  The toys will back on the floor in two minutes.  Jay plays fetch and carry, bringing me their water, a tissue, some more Panda Cookies from the storeroom.  We look at each other over their little heads and exchange a nod of understanding and support.

As the day wears on and they become tired, we put on pajamas, we brush our teeth, we get our blankets, and we sit in the rocker…one child on each leg…and after negotiating which song we will sing first (of course they each want a different song!) we begin to rock and close our eyes.  

The next trick is navigating two sleeping bodies to the bed.  They co-sleep as a family so I get to spend the next 8 hours sleeping with two little bodies pressed up against me.  I lie there and feel their little chests rise and fall with each breath. I look at them and see their perfect little faces still at last and I am filled with a sense of wonder and a feeling of fierce love.

It is Sunday around noon and their father comes to pick them up.  They have had a bath, their hair is brushed, their clothes are packed in the suitcase, their snacks in the snack bag, their toys in the toy bag.  They give me hugs good-by and pull out of the driveway with Daddy, eager to see Mommy who will be home in a few hours.

I return to the house, sit in the recliner and sleep for 2 ½ hours.  

And this morning I wake up to a silent and still house.  I feel empty.  I have read many articles on how grandparents can impact a grandchild’s life.  But it is a mutual admiration society.  The impact of a grandchild on a grandparent’s life cannot be measured!  We all need to experience unconditional love and that is what I receive a hundred fold from these two little ones.  I would fight tigers for them.  But for now, I have to go buy some more Panda Cookies!

I Am A Grandmother - Welcome Jessie!

When I close my eyes right now, I see the little life that entered OUR lives and made our family complete.  Jessie Patricia Altieri was born to Marc and Charlotte early  on September 26.   

The entire family was in the waiting room getting frequent updates from Marc, eager to lay their eyes on this new little princess!

Having a granddaughter is special and it IS different.  I told Charlotte that when I hold Jessie and can feel myself being “softer” with her.  She looks at me with her big eyes, looking so wise and I wonder what her spirit will teach me and what I can pass on to her.  

 

I have always felt a sense of continuity with all my grandchildren, but as I look at Jessie, I can sense my mother behind me and my grandmother behind her and my great-grandmother behind her.  I hope she will be able to grow and flourish in our crazy world. I want to protect her from the ugliness and ignorance.

And she is a delight.  Already 2 months old, we watch her face take on its unique features, we see her daddy’s forehead when she wrinkles it trying to get comfortable.  

We see her mother’s dimple as she begins to respond to our attention with smiles and coos.   

We see her brother in her big dark eyes. 

Life is sure different with 2 little ones under the age of 2.  Marc and Charlotte are a two-person relay team, making efficient hand-offs as one child needs to nurse and another needs to have a bath.  But they all seem to be thriving.

My joy is that Jay and I are permitted to have a front row seat to all of it.  Of course Marc and Charlotte need help and we are both standing outside the front door just waiting for a chance to provide it.  I have my weekly “Day with Mima” which ensures my own quality time with these munchkins.  How I wish everyone in my life was as happy to see me as Gino is!  He is my personal fan club, running to the door shouting, "MIMA! MIMA! MIMA!"  He frowns when he thinks I am holding Jessie too much and will come up to me and say, “Mima, my turn!” or he climbs up next to me, takes my free arm and wraps it around his shoulders while “we girls” make room for him too. 

Jay has his special time too, on Friday mornings when he goes with Charlotte to take Gino to his swimming lesson.  She does not have enough arms to do it all herself.  

 

I only have to look at my grandson, Gabriel, to remember how quickly these years pass and they grow.  I don’t know how he got to 15 so fast, but I see the young man in him emerging and I long for the little boy he once was.  

Gabe is my visual reminder to seize the day…to stay alert in the present…notice and take in what is right in front of me.  

 

This does add richness and peace to my days.  If I stay in the present, "right here – right now", I don’t go wandering into the past memories of loss or regret.  Nor do I go tripping into the “what if’s” of the uncertain future.  I am here...now... and life is good.  I was told by a wise friend years ago that life isn’t complicated…just do the next right thing.  So today, I will post this on my blog, take a shower, make my bed and go pick up Gino at pre-school.

And then there were TWO!  Welcome to the world, Jessie Patricia.  We celebrate the gift of your life and your presence in ours!

I Am A Busy Person - It is good news!

If a tree falls in the forest and there is no one to hear it, does it make a sound?   If you have not written a post on the blog recording the events in your life, does it mean your life is on “pause?”

It has been 4 months since I have posted anything on the blog that is supposed to “capture the richness of my life,” those moments and events that give my life meaning.  Does that mean that Life, As I Live It, has gone from technicolor to black and white?

I have thought back over the months and realized that what IS true is that I am busy…my life is full…and I just not have had time to capture each and every event that fills my soul!

So this blog is a snapshot of some of the key times, moments I shared with those who add meaning to my life, for which I am grateful:

Aunt Mary’s 95^th Birthday - May

In May, Jay and I flew to join all my "Rinaldi" cousins to celebrate the 95th birthday of my dad's little sister, Mary Louise Steinert.  For three days we laughed, told stories, remembered good and bad times and marveled at the life of Aunt Mary!

With Aunt Mary

After the cousins' golf tournament!

Gabe Art Show and Graduation - June

In June we celebrated Gabriel...his moving up from 8th grade to high school and his recognition in an Art Show at San Pedro Crafted.

Gabriel Graduation

Art Show

Gino Starts PreSchool – July

In July, we watched as Gino passed a mile stone...his first day of school at pre-school.  While it was a transition, he is now loving 9 hours a week with Miss Annie and socializing with all his new little friends.

Sitting in his place!

McGee Family Beach Party – July

In July we were also invited to the McGee Annual Family Beach Party.  It is a fun day to just sit back, eat, laugh, eat, watch Gino interact, eat, and get to enjoy Charlotte's family.

The whole gang!

Mike and Milli Anniversary Party - July

We also celebrated a milestone for Mike and Milli...their 20th wedding anniversary...with a party for family and close friends at our clubhouse.  They are a special couple and after 20 years..."They Still Do!"

Mike and Milli

Ben Arrives from Germany – August

Our family grew in August when we welcomed Ben Asshoff from Cologne, Germany into the Altieri family.  Ben will live with Mike, Milli and Gabe for the next 10 months as an exchange student attending Rolling Hills Prep & Renaissance School.

Meeting Ben at the Airport

Jay Forum Presentation - August

Jay was able to share his research and conclusions with our Palos Verdes Shores Community at a Forum on Global Warming.  I am continually impressed, even after 17 years, of how smart, thoughtful and inquisitive he is.  Our neighbors truly appreciated his efforts.

Time spent with Grandchildren – 

All summer we had many opportunities to spend time with our grandchildren.  Gabe and Gino were frequent guests at our house.  We spent time playing Majjhong, golf, going for rides in the golf cart.  They keep us young!

And now, we wait for Jessie Patricia!  In 4 weeks our fourth grandchild, and FIRST granddaughter will be born to Marc and Charlotte.  Gino will become a big brother and he will have to share his throne.  

Life is good and while none of these events were as grandiose as winning the State Powerball Lottery, they were certainly more valuable to us.  The more my life passes, the more I treasure participating in the lives of my family and holding them ALL close in my arms!

 

I Am A Blogger - Getting Inspiration

My blog has been silent for so long.  Friends have asked me about it and my reply has been that I have been busy OR I have not been “inspired!”  They find that hard to believe because they say,

 “You have that darling little grandson, Gino....

…and that handsome young teenage grandson, Gabriel…

How can you not be inspired to write!”

I just celebrated another birthday.  As I contemplate my advancing years I have conflicting reactions.   On the one hand, I am rather shocked that I am so old!  In my head I am still 40 years old but a glance in the mirror adjusts that impression. I find myself facing the reality of aging and dying. (Not immediately…but I would probably not invest in a 30 year warranty on any appliance!) 

On the other hand,  I am happier, more at peace with myself and those I treasure, than I have ever been in my life.  There is a tranquility I carry around with me that is like being wrapped in a warm blanket. There is an acceptance of “what is” that allows me to let go of the need to go chasing windmills.  I don’t have to be responsible for everything and everyone.  I don’t have to fix everything and make it better.  I can just be myself…care…understand…reach out and hope that things will be OK.

As a result, I am liberated to just experience the joy of my grandchildren.  I am fortunate that two of them live close enough for me to be involved in their lives.

Every Wednesday is Mima Day with Gino.  

I go to his house and spend hours with him while his mom gets to have some free time to herself.  What a gift to watch this little boy develop into his own little person.  I had forgotten how much babies change in that first year of life.  Every week he is a new person.  If I did not see him so often, I wouldn’t notice the change.  I would not recognize when he developed a new skill, like learning to unbuckle his pacifier strap or spray the water bottle or stick out his tongue. 

I would not be able to understand his babbles…that he says “whassis” when he wants to show me something, that a pointing finger and a grunt “unhhh” means I want that.  I would not feel my heart fill when he stands in front of me for my attention

or lifts his arms to be picked up, or bobs his little face into mine to give me a kiss.  I would not be reminded of the wonder of seeing an airplane fly across the sky.

And yes, we interact.  He acts silly when he knows it makes me laugh.  

He tries to feed me his goldfish. He lays his head on my chest when he wants to be rocked.  And he stamps his feet when he wants his way!  

I used to have Mima Day on Wednesdays with Gabriel also, before he grew up and had a social calendar of his own.  Now I get to chase after to him to see him play hockey

 or perform in a school play.

But I still look forward to sleep-overs 

when we can connect…like our wonderful time together last night.   

Gabe asked for my help with his Internship Project for school…he wanted to create a video of his Family History and he needed my input!  “Be still my beating heart!”  What a gift to be able to tell him the family stories, share the family pictures, introduce him to his ancestors.  What fun to watch him work the technology of the computer, the software, the microphone for narration. 

He, too, is coming into his own.  When the project was finished he said to me “What I love best about my two cultures, the Italian and the Filipino, is that they both value family and caring for others!” His “I love you, Mima!” when I dropped him off to school this morning, will carry me through the day.

I have vivid memories of my grandparents and feel the thread of continuity when I recall them.  I think the love children get from a grandparent is a love they can't get anywhere else. Parents have to worry about who children will become in the future; their role is to be providers and disciplinarians. But grandparents can just enjoy children for who they are in the moment. The love of a grandparent can be freer, more unconditional, and far less psychologically complex than a parent's love.

And it is a two-way street because look at the benefits I receive from them.  I am convinced that my grandchildren contribute significantly to my satisfaction with my life and my to my happiness. Because of them, I am appreciative of the gift of the present, more in tune with the world around me, just as it is TODAY! I would never trade where I am in my life’s journey to go back in time.

Thank you, Gabriel and Gino, for the happiness you bring to me.  

Thank you, Michael and Milli, Marc and Charlotte, for allowing me to share in the lives of your children.  

Yes, my grandchildren do “inspire” me!