I Am A Grandmother - A Weekend with Mima

It is 6:30 am.  I listen and the house is so quiet.  There is no music from Peppa Pig playing on the TV.  There are no little voices screeching, “Mima, Mima,” “No Jessie!”  “Mine!” “Let’s go outside,” “Panda Cookies, please,”  “read a book,”  “tickle me,” “chase me,” “Sing ABCs,” “Strawberries,”  “I do it myself!” I lie quietly and feel so alone.  There are no little feet pushing into my side.  There is no little body pushed against my tummy.  I open my eyes and there are no two sets of big brown eyes staring at me.  The children have gone home.

I have just survived 42 continuous hours caring for Gino and Jessie. Their mother, a 24/7 mom, an Amazon Woman who never stops, finally had the opportunity to have a weekend to herself, to fly off to Monterey to attend the college graduation of a dear friend’s daughter.  Their father, who was to have been on a business trip, was home nursing a physical ailment.  I was asked and gleefully accepted to care for my two grandchildren.  No problem, I have raised three children, I can do this!

I now understand why we are fertile only when we are young.  I begin to think that my body may actually have an expiration date.  Being the fulltime caregiver of 2 toddlers is an extremely taxing responsibility and yet, one that fills all the cracks and crevices in a psyche.  While their attention spans last about 3 minutes, I seem to go from pillar to post in an attempt to keep them occupied.

We went for walks,

we went for rides, 

we visited Bump at the golf course and got cookies from Kate.  

We visited the neighborhood dogs and watered the plants in the garden.  

We played with Play Dough 

and navigated Youtube for Kids for videos on the tablet, 

we worked puzzles.  

We ate  strawberries,

               eggs, 

chicken, Panda Cookies, hotdogs with ketchup, Panda Cookies, Big Bird Bars, 

Pizza, 

pasta, Panda Cookies,                              ice cream, 

cupcakes, and.... Panda Cookies.  

We looked for boats on the ocean.  We read books, we sang songs, we played Zingo.

I even imported some help in the form of cousin, Gabriel, who helped keep Gino occupied by building Legos and talking about Super Heroes. 

Both toddlers are talkers and the day is filled with “why?”  At times I cannot understand what Jessie is saying as she speaks to me with her eyes wide open and a little smile on her face.  I turn to my translator, Gino, and ask, “What is your sister saying?”  Jessie turns to him and repeats what she has said.  He turns to me and says, “She says she wants to sing ‘wheels on the bus.’”

The house looks like a train wreck.  Jay tries to pick up the trail of toys but I tell him to just leave it be.  The toys will back on the floor in two minutes.  Jay plays fetch and carry, bringing me their water, a tissue, some more Panda Cookies from the storeroom.  We look at each other over their little heads and exchange a nod of understanding and support.

As the day wears on and they become tired, we put on pajamas, we brush our teeth, we get our blankets, and we sit in the rocker…one child on each leg…and after negotiating which song we will sing first (of course they each want a different song!) we begin to rock and close our eyes.  

The next trick is navigating two sleeping bodies to the bed.  They co-sleep as a family so I get to spend the next 8 hours sleeping with two little bodies pressed up against me.  I lie there and feel their little chests rise and fall with each breath. I look at them and see their perfect little faces still at last and I am filled with a sense of wonder and a feeling of fierce love.

It is Sunday around noon and their father comes to pick them up.  They have had a bath, their hair is brushed, their clothes are packed in the suitcase, their snacks in the snack bag, their toys in the toy bag.  They give me hugs good-by and pull out of the driveway with Daddy, eager to see Mommy who will be home in a few hours.

I return to the house, sit in the recliner and sleep for 2 ½ hours.  

And this morning I wake up to a silent and still house.  I feel empty.  I have read many articles on how grandparents can impact a grandchild’s life.  But it is a mutual admiration society.  The impact of a grandchild on a grandparent’s life cannot be measured!  We all need to experience unconditional love and that is what I receive a hundred fold from these two little ones.  I would fight tigers for them.  But for now, I have to go buy some more Panda Cookies!

I Am A Grandmother - Celebrating Jessie Patricia

I like to think that our children were chosen for us.  I know this flies in the face of reason and science, but each child that has entered our family, from my three sons, to my three grandsons, and now to my little grand-daughter has been a unique spirit that has filled a unique spot in the family unit.  Each brought its own energy, gifts, needs, lessons and I can’t imagine life without any of them.  And I, as a mother and a grandmother, have had the privilege of being intimately involved in each new life.

I was the mother of three sons.  And each of my sons, fathered a son.   I always told anyone who asked that I loved raising boys.   Each boy was unique but they all shared the energy, openness, curiosity and dare-devilishness of the Y gene.  I loved the sweaty, puppy-dog smell of their little heads at the end of a day of play.  I loved sitting in the stands at various football, basketball and little league games.  I even loved trying to wash the grass stains out of the knees of blue jeans. 

I would take a little boy over a little girl any day!  

And then there was Jessie Patricia!  

Today we celebrate Jessie’s first birthday.

For one year this little child has filled a void in our family that we didn’t even know existed.  She has her own unique personality that radiates from her smile…and she is always smiling, turning her light on you whenever you catch her eye!  

I have also been an advocate that children should not be treated by gender when they are little.  A child is a “child” and can play with trucks or dolls equally without any recriminations.   

While I still believe that, I am also now aware that for better or worse, little Jessie seems to call forth a different, softer response from each of us.  First of all, she is different from Gino…she is a GIRL. She feels different when you hold her.  While she is just as strong and beautifully developed, she feels softer.  

And I laugh as I watch the men in the family with her…her dad, uncles, cousins…all “take it down a notch” and their voices reach a higher register as they speak to her.  She calls forth a gentler response from each of them. 

I have no doubt that Jessie will be her own person.  She is already Miss Independent…quietly moving forth in the world…walking around the furniture,

climbing, climbing on everything, 

even into her little red car when she wants a ride,

loving the playground

feeding herself when she is hungry or grabbing her water glass when she is thirsty. 

  

She makes her wishes known…not with words yet but with an outward thrust of her arm and a loud “Ahnnnnnn!”  

Her favorite person is her brother Gino, who makes her laugh. 

She performs with all her little games…Pattycake, So Big, Giddy-Up Horsey, Peek-a-boo and laughs with glee when you react.

She is the delight of her mom and dad,

Like any grandparent, I have hopes and dreams for all of my grandchildren.  More than anything I want each of them to be happy…to be happy with who they are and the life they have chosen to live.  To have good health and to be surrounded by people who appreciate who they are.  To have the strength and self-confidence to follow their dreams.  Yet when I look at Jessie Patricia, I find I also have other hopes for her.  

I hope she can grow up in a world that will present opportunities to her, that will not be influenced by sexism but encourage her to spread her wings and reach for her goals.  

And additionally, I hope I can teach her to knit!!

Happy birthday, Jessie Patricia Altieri!  We all love you so much!

I Am A Grandmother - Welcome Jessie!

When I close my eyes right now, I see the little life that entered OUR lives and made our family complete.  Jessie Patricia Altieri was born to Marc and Charlotte early  on September 26.   

The entire family was in the waiting room getting frequent updates from Marc, eager to lay their eyes on this new little princess!

Having a granddaughter is special and it IS different.  I told Charlotte that when I hold Jessie and can feel myself being “softer” with her.  She looks at me with her big eyes, looking so wise and I wonder what her spirit will teach me and what I can pass on to her.  

 

I have always felt a sense of continuity with all my grandchildren, but as I look at Jessie, I can sense my mother behind me and my grandmother behind her and my great-grandmother behind her.  I hope she will be able to grow and flourish in our crazy world. I want to protect her from the ugliness and ignorance.

And she is a delight.  Already 2 months old, we watch her face take on its unique features, we see her daddy’s forehead when she wrinkles it trying to get comfortable.  

We see her mother’s dimple as she begins to respond to our attention with smiles and coos.   

We see her brother in her big dark eyes. 

Life is sure different with 2 little ones under the age of 2.  Marc and Charlotte are a two-person relay team, making efficient hand-offs as one child needs to nurse and another needs to have a bath.  But they all seem to be thriving.

My joy is that Jay and I are permitted to have a front row seat to all of it.  Of course Marc and Charlotte need help and we are both standing outside the front door just waiting for a chance to provide it.  I have my weekly “Day with Mima” which ensures my own quality time with these munchkins.  How I wish everyone in my life was as happy to see me as Gino is!  He is my personal fan club, running to the door shouting, "MIMA! MIMA! MIMA!"  He frowns when he thinks I am holding Jessie too much and will come up to me and say, “Mima, my turn!” or he climbs up next to me, takes my free arm and wraps it around his shoulders while “we girls” make room for him too. 

Jay has his special time too, on Friday mornings when he goes with Charlotte to take Gino to his swimming lesson.  She does not have enough arms to do it all herself.  

 

I only have to look at my grandson, Gabriel, to remember how quickly these years pass and they grow.  I don’t know how he got to 15 so fast, but I see the young man in him emerging and I long for the little boy he once was.  

Gabe is my visual reminder to seize the day…to stay alert in the present…notice and take in what is right in front of me.  

 

This does add richness and peace to my days.  If I stay in the present, "right here – right now", I don’t go wandering into the past memories of loss or regret.  Nor do I go tripping into the “what if’s” of the uncertain future.  I am here...now... and life is good.  I was told by a wise friend years ago that life isn’t complicated…just do the next right thing.  So today, I will post this on my blog, take a shower, make my bed and go pick up Gino at pre-school.

And then there were TWO!  Welcome to the world, Jessie Patricia.  We celebrate the gift of your life and your presence in ours!

I Am A Grandmother - Waiting for Jessie

I am the mother of three sons.  I have always said that I LOVED raising boys.   

Joey, Michael and Marc....aren't they darling!!

I loved the spontaneity, the dirty faces, the muddy shoes, the treasures in their pockets, their openness, their daredevil approach to life.  My sons were very different from each other in many ways, but they were “all boy” in others.  Through the years I tripped over balls, little toy soldiers, plastic monsters.  I picked up football cards.  I listened to the sound of the baseball being thrown against the back wall as one son continued to practice fielding the ball, and the sound of the basketball being bounced in the driveway as another perfected his shots.  I fed the stray dogs that were brought home.  Weekends were filled with the sound of the TV announcers giving play-by-play of the season’s sport.  I sat in numerous bleachers, watching “my numbered jersey” perform athletic feats, and I clutched my heart as young bodies sped off on motorcycles.  I LOVED my boys.  

My mother used to worry about me because I didn’t have a daughter.  She feared I would be alone when my sons married.  She would quote the old adage… "A son is a son till he takes him a wife, a daughter’s a daughter for the rest of her life.” I told her not to worry.  I was going to work at being the best mother-in-law I could be and was sure my sons would choose women who would accept me into their lives.  And they did!

My beautiful, wonderful daughters-in-Love....Milli and Charlotte.

Each of my sons has fathered a son.  I sat in waiting rooms 3 times and heard the words… “It’s a boy!” And again, as a Grandmother, I revisit all the experiences of being surrounded by young boys exploring their place in the world.

Now a new dynamic is about to enter my life.  I am going to have a granddaughter. My youngest son, Marc, and his wife Charlotte, are going to have a little girl.  Marc was supposed to be my girl.  After 2 boys, I was sure this third child would be female.  Her name would be Maria.  However, “It’s a boy” Dr. McBride announced as he delivered Marc, not Maria...and from the moment Marc was placed in my arms he entered my heart.  So I guess it is fitting that he is the child who gives me my granddaughter.

Marc and Charlotte presented this to me to announce the baby's gender!

Her name will be Jessie Patricia Altieri.  She will be born on Monday, September 26 by C-section at Long Beach Memorial Hospital.  We will all be in the waiting room, even Big Brother Gino.   

Gino in his "Promoted to Big Brother" shirt!

I am so excited to meet this new little person.  She comes from long lines of strong women on both sides of her family, women who could take of themselves and others; women who were not afraid to try new things…new lands…new sports…new ventures; women who were not felled by adversity or problems; women who believed in themselves and were leaders of others.  I am sure that some of that unique DNA will be passed along to her. 

Thank you, Marc and Charlotte for the gift of this new grandchild and Jessie Patricia, we are all waiting for you with open arms!

Charlotte's Hospital Suitcase