I Am A Grandmother - Sickened By Today's News

This morning I picked up the LA Times and the Wall Street Journal to see what was happening in the world.  (Yes, we still have paper subscriptions delivered to our home!)  My heart was full as I sipped my coffee and turned the pages.  Jay and I had just spent last evening baby-sitting with Gino, aged 3 ½, and Jessie, aged 21 months, while their parents attended a wedding.  Experiencing their happy, animated antics is such a joy for us and we are grateful they are in our lives.  Their spontaneity and innocence remind us the beauty of life and what is important…just being together with them and letting them love us. 

On page 1 of the LA Times I saw this picture, of a father embracing his 6 yr. old son, who stared vacantly over his shoulder. 

As I read, I sat up straighter and put down my coffee cup, and read … “Father and son reunite…  Jefferson…a playful boy who loved racing tiny cars across the dirt floor of his Guatemala home, stood stiff, staring vacantly at the gray carpet, then at his father…  The boy remained stiff and expressionless.  His arms, stomach and back were covered with a rash.  His right eye was bruised red.  He had a cough and a runny nose.  Jefferson had been held in a detention shelter … in New York.  He had spoken to his father 3 times in 46 days.  ‘Papa, I thought they killed you’ , he told his father. ”  My stomach twisted.

Then on page A3 of the Wall Street Journal, a photo of a migrant family with a little boy, the same age as Gino, with black curly hair stared out at me.  

I read… “Father and son were separated three months ago…the boy was sent to an agency in Michigan…  Mr. Reyes said his son isn’t the same.  He doesn’t speak much.  He wants to be close to his father and worries every time he steps away.  Inside, he carries like a sadness.”  Dr. Havens, a NY psychiatrist for children is quoted in testimony. “Most children are resilient.  But there is a subset who have a significant disorder associated with the trauma of separation.  (They) appear confused or don’t recognize a parent upon reunification. For parents to have to go through sort of reacclimatizing themselves to their children is just horrific.”

I closed the paper and just sat there.  Thoughts raced through my mind.  What have we come to?  No amount of legal discourse, no amount of citing legalities, nothing in my mind can justify adults taking such steps to enforce whatever laws and in the process damage innocent children who are victims of the decisions of others.  We are better than that.  

Memories of the little faces that turned to me in such open, naked trust last night fill my mind.  It is such a privilege to be entrusted with my grandchildren.  My hope is that the love, security and guidance I am allowed to share with them will contribute to their developing into confident, secure and fully alive little individuals.  Such an honor and such a responsibility.

I feel ashamed as I read the news.  I am ashamed.

Those who would lead our judicial systems, enforce our laws, often do so with a sense of religious righteousness.  Yet, I recall the Bible verse:  Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be thrown into the sea. 

Where can I get my hands on some millstones!

I Am A Grandmother - Celebrating Jessie Patricia

I like to think that our children were chosen for us.  I know this flies in the face of reason and science, but each child that has entered our family, from my three sons, to my three grandsons, and now to my little grand-daughter has been a unique spirit that has filled a unique spot in the family unit.  Each brought its own energy, gifts, needs, lessons and I can’t imagine life without any of them.  And I, as a mother and a grandmother, have had the privilege of being intimately involved in each new life.

I was the mother of three sons.  And each of my sons, fathered a son.   I always told anyone who asked that I loved raising boys.   Each boy was unique but they all shared the energy, openness, curiosity and dare-devilishness of the Y gene.  I loved the sweaty, puppy-dog smell of their little heads at the end of a day of play.  I loved sitting in the stands at various football, basketball and little league games.  I even loved trying to wash the grass stains out of the knees of blue jeans. 

I would take a little boy over a little girl any day!  

And then there was Jessie Patricia!  

Today we celebrate Jessie’s first birthday.

For one year this little child has filled a void in our family that we didn’t even know existed.  She has her own unique personality that radiates from her smile…and she is always smiling, turning her light on you whenever you catch her eye!  

I have also been an advocate that children should not be treated by gender when they are little.  A child is a “child” and can play with trucks or dolls equally without any recriminations.   

While I still believe that, I am also now aware that for better or worse, little Jessie seems to call forth a different, softer response from each of us.  First of all, she is different from Gino…she is a GIRL. She feels different when you hold her.  While she is just as strong and beautifully developed, she feels softer.  

And I laugh as I watch the men in the family with her…her dad, uncles, cousins…all “take it down a notch” and their voices reach a higher register as they speak to her.  She calls forth a gentler response from each of them. 

I have no doubt that Jessie will be her own person.  She is already Miss Independent…quietly moving forth in the world…walking around the furniture,

climbing, climbing on everything, 

even into her little red car when she wants a ride,

loving the playground

feeding herself when she is hungry or grabbing her water glass when she is thirsty. 

  

She makes her wishes known…not with words yet but with an outward thrust of her arm and a loud “Ahnnnnnn!”  

Her favorite person is her brother Gino, who makes her laugh. 

She performs with all her little games…Pattycake, So Big, Giddy-Up Horsey, Peek-a-boo and laughs with glee when you react.

She is the delight of her mom and dad,

Like any grandparent, I have hopes and dreams for all of my grandchildren.  More than anything I want each of them to be happy…to be happy with who they are and the life they have chosen to live.  To have good health and to be surrounded by people who appreciate who they are.  To have the strength and self-confidence to follow their dreams.  Yet when I look at Jessie Patricia, I find I also have other hopes for her.  

I hope she can grow up in a world that will present opportunities to her, that will not be influenced by sexism but encourage her to spread her wings and reach for her goals.  

And additionally, I hope I can teach her to knit!!

Happy birthday, Jessie Patricia Altieri!  We all love you so much!

I Am A Grandmother - Welcoming Gino Bossie Altieri to the World

The past 4 days have been like a whirlwind and my heart is so full.  Marc and Charlotte gave birth to my newest little grandson, Gino Bossie Altieri, born on December 11, 2014, weighing 8 lbs. 4 oz., 21 inches long, and looking perfect…a perfect blend of his mom and his dad.   

I have wanted to write a blog to capture the event but didn’t know what I would write.  How do I capture in words an experience that is beyond words?  But I know that once I start writing, any blog really writes itself…so here goes!

Gino is the son of my third son, Marc...my baby.  I have always been amazed that each of my children has a unique connection to me, and since Marc was 5 years younger than his brother Mike, he and I had time together, as if he was an only child, while his brothers were in school. Because of that, I think we have a unique connection.  We would run errands together during the day, and he would sit in the passenger seat next to me with his little feet barely hanging over the seat edge, and he would chatter away telling me all the important things that were in his little mind.  He told me “I think my hobby is talking!”  And we have always talked.  Sometimes joyfully, sometimes painfully…but we have always talked and shared honestly what was inside of us. 

For years I listened as Marc told me of his desire to have a family.  He didn’t long for fancy things, or status…in fact he seemed to go out of his way to prove he was different.  But he did long for a life partner and a family.  However…he never met a girl that he could connect with in a soulful, meaningful way.  He would tell me that maybe he needed to accept the fact that he would remain a bachelor, that he would never have a family.  I carried his longing in my heart.

Then at 43, he met Charlotte and his life changed.  He found someone who wanted all the love he had to give and would accept him for who he was…would love him with a warmth and sensitivity and spirit  that is priceless.  She was someone that he could gather in, love and protect, support and share life with in a way that was authentic.  They are so good together!

Marc and Charlotte - 2013

So at 44 he became a father and he and Charlotte brought Gino into our life.  I have been amazed at how the two of them approached this birth, truly a team.  Marc went to every Dr.’s appointment, charted her progress, photographed her growing figure, talked to his son in-utero.  He attended lactation classes and ended up knowing more about breastfeeding than I did, after nursing three children. He never left her side through the entire delivery and recovery.

Cutting the cord.

Hi little guy!

First Family Photo!

The day of the birth, it was truly a family event.  Everyone was gathered at the waiting room of Long Beach Memorial Hospital.  

Uncle Fred & Aunt Sharon, Joey & Kimberly, Poppa, Mom & Jay and Mike Pedersen...waiting!

His brother Michael, who was on a business trip, was connected through constant text messages.  Michael even had Facetime with his new nephew via his iPhone just hours after the birth. 

Hi Uncle Mike!

But I honestly don’t know what thrilled me more…the gift of this precious new baby or watching the elation on the face of my son.  

 

In the room, with Charlotte's Aunt Vickee, her brother Brian & Samantha

Parenting is not easy.  Having my three sons has given me the greatest joys and the most intense pain  I have experienced in my life.  All any parent wants for their children is their happiness.  Seeing Marc so radiant with joy…holding his son, calming him, changing is diaper, helping him latch on to Charlotte’s breast, tending to Charlotte’s needs…my heart is so full and I am so grateful.

So this blog did write itself.  And surprise…it was more about Marc than about Gino!  But I guess  that is my perspective as a mother.  We remarked in the waiting room that having a child is having your heart walk outside of your body.  That holds true whether that child is 1 day old or 44 years old.  

The greatest joy for me is that Marc and Charlotte have invited me in.  They have allowed me to be intimately involved in this glorious event.  And isn’t that all any parent longs for…to be allowed to share in their children’s lives…be it joy or sadness…but to share in their lives.

 

Welcome to the world, little Gino Bossie Altieri.   

Every child should be as wanted and loved as you are!