I Am A Grandmother - Sickened By Today's News

This morning I picked up the LA Times and the Wall Street Journal to see what was happening in the world.  (Yes, we still have paper subscriptions delivered to our home!)  My heart was full as I sipped my coffee and turned the pages.  Jay and I had just spent last evening baby-sitting with Gino, aged 3 ½, and Jessie, aged 21 months, while their parents attended a wedding.  Experiencing their happy, animated antics is such a joy for us and we are grateful they are in our lives.  Their spontaneity and innocence remind us the beauty of life and what is important…just being together with them and letting them love us. 

On page 1 of the LA Times I saw this picture, of a father embracing his 6 yr. old son, who stared vacantly over his shoulder. 

As I read, I sat up straighter and put down my coffee cup, and read … “Father and son reunite…  Jefferson…a playful boy who loved racing tiny cars across the dirt floor of his Guatemala home, stood stiff, staring vacantly at the gray carpet, then at his father…  The boy remained stiff and expressionless.  His arms, stomach and back were covered with a rash.  His right eye was bruised red.  He had a cough and a runny nose.  Jefferson had been held in a detention shelter … in New York.  He had spoken to his father 3 times in 46 days.  ‘Papa, I thought they killed you’ , he told his father. ”  My stomach twisted.

Then on page A3 of the Wall Street Journal, a photo of a migrant family with a little boy, the same age as Gino, with black curly hair stared out at me.  

I read… “Father and son were separated three months ago…the boy was sent to an agency in Michigan…  Mr. Reyes said his son isn’t the same.  He doesn’t speak much.  He wants to be close to his father and worries every time he steps away.  Inside, he carries like a sadness.”  Dr. Havens, a NY psychiatrist for children is quoted in testimony. “Most children are resilient.  But there is a subset who have a significant disorder associated with the trauma of separation.  (They) appear confused or don’t recognize a parent upon reunification. For parents to have to go through sort of reacclimatizing themselves to their children is just horrific.”

I closed the paper and just sat there.  Thoughts raced through my mind.  What have we come to?  No amount of legal discourse, no amount of citing legalities, nothing in my mind can justify adults taking such steps to enforce whatever laws and in the process damage innocent children who are victims of the decisions of others.  We are better than that.  

Memories of the little faces that turned to me in such open, naked trust last night fill my mind.  It is such a privilege to be entrusted with my grandchildren.  My hope is that the love, security and guidance I am allowed to share with them will contribute to their developing into confident, secure and fully alive little individuals.  Such an honor and such a responsibility.

I feel ashamed as I read the news.  I am ashamed.

Those who would lead our judicial systems, enforce our laws, often do so with a sense of religious righteousness.  Yet, I recall the Bible verse:  Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be thrown into the sea. 

Where can I get my hands on some millstones!

I Am A Grandmother - A Weekend with Mima

It is 6:30 am.  I listen and the house is so quiet.  There is no music from Peppa Pig playing on the TV.  There are no little voices screeching, “Mima, Mima,” “No Jessie!”  “Mine!” “Let’s go outside,” “Panda Cookies, please,”  “read a book,”  “tickle me,” “chase me,” “Sing ABCs,” “Strawberries,”  “I do it myself!” I lie quietly and feel so alone.  There are no little feet pushing into my side.  There is no little body pushed against my tummy.  I open my eyes and there are no two sets of big brown eyes staring at me.  The children have gone home.

I have just survived 42 continuous hours caring for Gino and Jessie. Their mother, a 24/7 mom, an Amazon Woman who never stops, finally had the opportunity to have a weekend to herself, to fly off to Monterey to attend the college graduation of a dear friend’s daughter.  Their father, who was to have been on a business trip, was home nursing a physical ailment.  I was asked and gleefully accepted to care for my two grandchildren.  No problem, I have raised three children, I can do this!

I now understand why we are fertile only when we are young.  I begin to think that my body may actually have an expiration date.  Being the fulltime caregiver of 2 toddlers is an extremely taxing responsibility and yet, one that fills all the cracks and crevices in a psyche.  While their attention spans last about 3 minutes, I seem to go from pillar to post in an attempt to keep them occupied.

We went for walks,

we went for rides, 

we visited Bump at the golf course and got cookies from Kate.  

We visited the neighborhood dogs and watered the plants in the garden.  

We played with Play Dough 

and navigated Youtube for Kids for videos on the tablet, 

we worked puzzles.  

We ate  strawberries,

               eggs, 

chicken, Panda Cookies, hotdogs with ketchup, Panda Cookies, Big Bird Bars, 

Pizza, 

pasta, Panda Cookies,                              ice cream, 

cupcakes, and.... Panda Cookies.  

We looked for boats on the ocean.  We read books, we sang songs, we played Zingo.

I even imported some help in the form of cousin, Gabriel, who helped keep Gino occupied by building Legos and talking about Super Heroes. 

Both toddlers are talkers and the day is filled with “why?”  At times I cannot understand what Jessie is saying as she speaks to me with her eyes wide open and a little smile on her face.  I turn to my translator, Gino, and ask, “What is your sister saying?”  Jessie turns to him and repeats what she has said.  He turns to me and says, “She says she wants to sing ‘wheels on the bus.’”

The house looks like a train wreck.  Jay tries to pick up the trail of toys but I tell him to just leave it be.  The toys will back on the floor in two minutes.  Jay plays fetch and carry, bringing me their water, a tissue, some more Panda Cookies from the storeroom.  We look at each other over their little heads and exchange a nod of understanding and support.

As the day wears on and they become tired, we put on pajamas, we brush our teeth, we get our blankets, and we sit in the rocker…one child on each leg…and after negotiating which song we will sing first (of course they each want a different song!) we begin to rock and close our eyes.  

The next trick is navigating two sleeping bodies to the bed.  They co-sleep as a family so I get to spend the next 8 hours sleeping with two little bodies pressed up against me.  I lie there and feel their little chests rise and fall with each breath. I look at them and see their perfect little faces still at last and I am filled with a sense of wonder and a feeling of fierce love.

It is Sunday around noon and their father comes to pick them up.  They have had a bath, their hair is brushed, their clothes are packed in the suitcase, their snacks in the snack bag, their toys in the toy bag.  They give me hugs good-by and pull out of the driveway with Daddy, eager to see Mommy who will be home in a few hours.

I return to the house, sit in the recliner and sleep for 2 ½ hours.  

And this morning I wake up to a silent and still house.  I feel empty.  I have read many articles on how grandparents can impact a grandchild’s life.  But it is a mutual admiration society.  The impact of a grandchild on a grandparent’s life cannot be measured!  We all need to experience unconditional love and that is what I receive a hundred fold from these two little ones.  I would fight tigers for them.  But for now, I have to go buy some more Panda Cookies!

I Am A Seamstress - Rediscovering the Sewing Machine

I grew up in the 50’s, when a little girl spent time learning all the homemaker skills.  I could prepare a pork roast, I could crochet an edging on a handkerchief, I could sew drapes, I could plant vegetables and deadhead roses.  

When I was in the 5^th grade, my mother took me to a Cuyahoga Falls, to the Singer Sewing Machine store where I took sewing lessons and made my first dirndl skirt.  In 1960 I purchased my first Singer Sewing Machine and it served me well.  In addition to my own clothes, I also made outfits for my little boys every Easter, 

Easter 1970 - Michael and Joey in matching handmade sport coats!

curtains for every window in my house and Halloween costumes!  But the years passed and my Singer Sewing machine gathered dust in the storeroom.

Then, about 3 months ago, my brother, Fred, was trying to sell his mother-in-law's sewing machine, a Husqvarna Viking Freesia 425.  So even though I don’t sew anymore, I decided to donate my old Singer to the Salvation Army and buy this more modern machine.  I put the Husqvarna in the storeroom and forgot about it.

Enter my son Marc, in September...  "Mom, is it possible for you to make a Green Goblin costume for Gino for Halloween.  He wants to be the Green Goblin and we can't find a costume online or in the Halloween stores.  Here is a picture of what he should look like."  Of course, my answer as the mother who can do anything, is... “of course, let me work on it.”

A week and four trips to Joann's later, here is the plan.  Charlotte is getting a green long sleeve shirt and green leggings and the mask.  I am making the gloves, boot covers, the tunic and the hat.  

I set up the new Husquvarna in the office.  I find a 45 minute video on YouTube that introduces me, step by step, to my new machine.  Simple patterns for the items were easily found online.  And within about 4 days, to quote Gino, “I DID IT!”

Gino trying on his finished costume.

A week later, enter Marc..."Mom, the Green Goblin needs a messenger bag to wear across his body."  I suggested he use a small cross-body plain purse I have and Marc responded in no uncertain terms!  “NO.  That's a PURSE...he needs a plain messenger bag.”

Another trip to Joann's to buy heavy brown fleece and we have a messenger bag.  Mima fullfils her promise, Gino is happy, and Marc has nothing more to say.

 

Gino on Halloween - front view

Back View - note cross-body Messenger Bag!

But Mima is experiencing an itch.  That was kind of fun.  I wonder what else I could make?  The internet is full of ideas. What about Jessie?  I have never had a little girl to sew for.  I spend a few? hours on Pinterest.  Do you know how many free patterns for little girl's clothing are "out there?"  I download a few.

I make another trip to Joann's and I discover the remnant bin!  AND they are 50% off.  AND there is a lovely pattern of little snowmen and Christmas is coming.

The dress is darling...but it needs some matching bloomers.  And then what about a matching headband.

Another trip to Joann's and some elastic is purchased and the items are made.

 

Jessie's Pinafore Dress/Top can also be worn over a onsie and with leggings!

I save all my remnants neatly folded on my closet shelf.  It is growing and waiting for the next project. (Will this end up taking over my yarn stash?)

Returning to the craft of sewing reminds me of just how wonderful it is to enter the world of creativity.  Whether it is knitting a sweater, painting a picture, planting a garden, baking a cake, or even writing a blog post…when my hands pick up something that is seemingly ordinary and I begin to make something new with it, I enter a different world. I am in the flow.  

Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi defines “flow” as a state of heightened focus and blissful immersion.  There is a focus that causes time to disappear.  I forget myself, my anxieties, my "shoulds" and "oughts" and I just FLOW as if I am a part of something larger. And when I exit “the FLOW” I am left with this wonderful clarity and sense of being refreshed!  It is a gift I give myself.

At the moment I feel a tremendous sense of gratitude to the women in my life who shared their skills with me.  First of all, to my mother as my role model, who let me cook alongside her, let me participate every Christmas when she painted a large holiday mural on our living-room window, and who sewed all my dancing costumes.  

Patricia about 8 years old - Tap Dancing Costume

Then to my Grandmother, Frances who taught me to crochet and to love to get my hands into the dirt of the garden.  To my friends, "The Achrems" - Janette and Resi, who taught me how to knit when I was a young woman expecting my first child.  All of these dear women shared their skills, their crafts, and their love with me.  And it is the gift that keeps on giving!  I look to Jessie Patricia and hope that in the future, I can pass along some of this along to her.

But right now, I have a slight problem... I am experiencing a little itch! I think I have fallen down a rabbit hole!  On to Pinterest!

I Am An Aging Woman - Appreciating My Body

How did we do life before we had smartphones?  I could write numerous posts about how this little instrument has changed the way I navigate through life…some good and some not so good.  But for today, I am just going to focus on one aspect of it…the sending and receiving of short videos to and from my grandchildren.  

Since I have not yet learned how to bilocate, there are times when I am not able to be present for one of their activities, like yesterday’s “away” football game for Gabe’s team.  Jay and I attend all of his home games and Murphy’s Law…the one we miss is the one where he catches a pass and runs 40 yards before being tackled!  But, not to fear, on the bus on his way back to the school, Gabe sent me a text with a little video attached showing me in real time the execution of this wonderful moment!

As for Gino and Jessie…they are 2 ½ and 1 years old.  Everyday brings a new accomplishment and I get to see it on a video text…first steps, dirty chocolate hands and cheeks, a new monster mask, singing a new song, playing at the playground.  

Sometimes, like this morning, I received a “Good Morning, Mima” video from the 2 of them both chattering to me.  So I decided to reciprocate and I took a selfie video of me talking to them, thanking them for the morning message and asking about their day.  Charlotte said they loved it so I played it back to me to see what they saw.

Here comes the “not so good” part of this little instrument.  Have you ever looked at yourself on an up-close-and-personal selfie video!  Do I really look like that!  It is not complimentary.  So aged, so weathered, so worn. That is not how I look in my mind.  It was sobering.

Later in the morning I dragged my aged, weathered and worn body to the clubhouse for the weekly yoga class.  As I sat on my mat and stretched over my outstretched leg, I looked at it.  

The skin is dry despite the lotion I lather on.  There are little age spots I keep saying are freckles. I found myself massaging my leg and I became overwhelmed with a feeling of great tenderness.  I realized that this leg is 75 years old.  It is still serving me well.  I am able to take short hikes with my friend, Cindy.  I am able to stoop to weed my garden.  I am able to push the double stroller with two toddlers.  I looked at my arms and hands, both reflecting the passage of time, and think of how I am able to knit, cook meals, change diapers, even hoist up my “big boy” Gino, caress Jay’s cheek. 

I felt a tremendous sense of gratitude for this body of mine, this aged, weathered and worn body of mine.  It is not giving up yet.  The privilege of growing older is the best thing that has happened to me.  Rather than delete my selfies, I will rejoice in the fact that I am still here, that today is one more opportunity to begin again…to tell those in my life that I love them...to drink another glass of wine...  to listen to a happy song...to laugh with my husband...to try to have a positive impact.  But I think I will still refrain from selfies!  I am not blind!  But, I am grateful!

(Note: This is the first time I have embedded videos in a post, so I apologize in advance if they don't work!)

I Am A Grandmother - Celebrating Jessie Patricia

I like to think that our children were chosen for us.  I know this flies in the face of reason and science, but each child that has entered our family, from my three sons, to my three grandsons, and now to my little grand-daughter has been a unique spirit that has filled a unique spot in the family unit.  Each brought its own energy, gifts, needs, lessons and I can’t imagine life without any of them.  And I, as a mother and a grandmother, have had the privilege of being intimately involved in each new life.

I was the mother of three sons.  And each of my sons, fathered a son.   I always told anyone who asked that I loved raising boys.   Each boy was unique but they all shared the energy, openness, curiosity and dare-devilishness of the Y gene.  I loved the sweaty, puppy-dog smell of their little heads at the end of a day of play.  I loved sitting in the stands at various football, basketball and little league games.  I even loved trying to wash the grass stains out of the knees of blue jeans. 

I would take a little boy over a little girl any day!  

And then there was Jessie Patricia!  

Today we celebrate Jessie’s first birthday.

For one year this little child has filled a void in our family that we didn’t even know existed.  She has her own unique personality that radiates from her smile…and she is always smiling, turning her light on you whenever you catch her eye!  

I have also been an advocate that children should not be treated by gender when they are little.  A child is a “child” and can play with trucks or dolls equally without any recriminations.   

While I still believe that, I am also now aware that for better or worse, little Jessie seems to call forth a different, softer response from each of us.  First of all, she is different from Gino…she is a GIRL. She feels different when you hold her.  While she is just as strong and beautifully developed, she feels softer.  

And I laugh as I watch the men in the family with her…her dad, uncles, cousins…all “take it down a notch” and their voices reach a higher register as they speak to her.  She calls forth a gentler response from each of them. 

I have no doubt that Jessie will be her own person.  She is already Miss Independent…quietly moving forth in the world…walking around the furniture,

climbing, climbing on everything, 

even into her little red car when she wants a ride,

loving the playground

feeding herself when she is hungry or grabbing her water glass when she is thirsty. 

  

She makes her wishes known…not with words yet but with an outward thrust of her arm and a loud “Ahnnnnnn!”  

Her favorite person is her brother Gino, who makes her laugh. 

She performs with all her little games…Pattycake, So Big, Giddy-Up Horsey, Peek-a-boo and laughs with glee when you react.

She is the delight of her mom and dad,

Like any grandparent, I have hopes and dreams for all of my grandchildren.  More than anything I want each of them to be happy…to be happy with who they are and the life they have chosen to live.  To have good health and to be surrounded by people who appreciate who they are.  To have the strength and self-confidence to follow their dreams.  Yet when I look at Jessie Patricia, I find I also have other hopes for her.  

I hope she can grow up in a world that will present opportunities to her, that will not be influenced by sexism but encourage her to spread her wings and reach for her goals.  

And additionally, I hope I can teach her to knit!!

Happy birthday, Jessie Patricia Altieri!  We all love you so much!

I Am A Grandmother - Welcome Jessie!

When I close my eyes right now, I see the little life that entered OUR lives and made our family complete.  Jessie Patricia Altieri was born to Marc and Charlotte early  on September 26.   

The entire family was in the waiting room getting frequent updates from Marc, eager to lay their eyes on this new little princess!

Having a granddaughter is special and it IS different.  I told Charlotte that when I hold Jessie and can feel myself being “softer” with her.  She looks at me with her big eyes, looking so wise and I wonder what her spirit will teach me and what I can pass on to her.  

 

I have always felt a sense of continuity with all my grandchildren, but as I look at Jessie, I can sense my mother behind me and my grandmother behind her and my great-grandmother behind her.  I hope she will be able to grow and flourish in our crazy world. I want to protect her from the ugliness and ignorance.

And she is a delight.  Already 2 months old, we watch her face take on its unique features, we see her daddy’s forehead when she wrinkles it trying to get comfortable.  

We see her mother’s dimple as she begins to respond to our attention with smiles and coos.   

We see her brother in her big dark eyes. 

Life is sure different with 2 little ones under the age of 2.  Marc and Charlotte are a two-person relay team, making efficient hand-offs as one child needs to nurse and another needs to have a bath.  But they all seem to be thriving.

My joy is that Jay and I are permitted to have a front row seat to all of it.  Of course Marc and Charlotte need help and we are both standing outside the front door just waiting for a chance to provide it.  I have my weekly “Day with Mima” which ensures my own quality time with these munchkins.  How I wish everyone in my life was as happy to see me as Gino is!  He is my personal fan club, running to the door shouting, "MIMA! MIMA! MIMA!"  He frowns when he thinks I am holding Jessie too much and will come up to me and say, “Mima, my turn!” or he climbs up next to me, takes my free arm and wraps it around his shoulders while “we girls” make room for him too. 

Jay has his special time too, on Friday mornings when he goes with Charlotte to take Gino to his swimming lesson.  She does not have enough arms to do it all herself.  

 

I only have to look at my grandson, Gabriel, to remember how quickly these years pass and they grow.  I don’t know how he got to 15 so fast, but I see the young man in him emerging and I long for the little boy he once was.  

Gabe is my visual reminder to seize the day…to stay alert in the present…notice and take in what is right in front of me.  

 

This does add richness and peace to my days.  If I stay in the present, "right here – right now", I don’t go wandering into the past memories of loss or regret.  Nor do I go tripping into the “what if’s” of the uncertain future.  I am here...now... and life is good.  I was told by a wise friend years ago that life isn’t complicated…just do the next right thing.  So today, I will post this on my blog, take a shower, make my bed and go pick up Gino at pre-school.

And then there were TWO!  Welcome to the world, Jessie Patricia.  We celebrate the gift of your life and your presence in ours!