I Am A Responsible Daughter - Dealing with Details

My mom died almost 2 months ago.  It is hard to believe that so much time has passed since we laid her to rest.  During this time I have been dealing with the details of putting her life to rest as well, canceling credit cards, notifying organizations, paying off bills.

This also entails putting her house in order.  I needed to clean out all evidence of her illness because my disabled sister and her husband continue to live in the house and it is filled with sad reminders.  I needed to empty closets and drawers, organize papers and documents, always making decisions about what to keep, what to share, what to throw away.

Of course, for me, this task is wrought with memories.  As I move from room to room, handling items that were last handled by her, I am filled with past conversations, past activities, past requests, past...gone...not-to-be-repeated...never again.

This activity of mine is bittersweet, as is all of grief.  It is bitter because I realize she is gone and I question myself..."Did I do enough?  Why wasn't I more responsive?"  I wish I could recapture the opportunity, but I can't.

It is sweet because for a few instants I am with her again.  In my head I hear her voice, feel her energy, see her eyes sparkling with life even if that life is displaying indignation or annoyance.

One thing my mother complained about continuously was the constant calling from telemarketers.  It was a hassle for her to get to the phone, which always rang around dinner time or in the evening when she was watching the news.  Later, when she was ill, even with the phone set up at her right hand, the effort it took to pick up the receiver was "too difficult!"  Yet pick it up she must because it might be someone she loved calling to see how she was doing.  However, most times the person was someone trying to sell her a product, reduce the interest rate on her credit card or clean her carpets.  "Can't you do something about this?" she would ask me.  First of all, I put her phone number on the Do Not Call list and while that might have reduced the number of calls received, it did not eliminate them.  I got Caller ID capability added to her phone plan but she still had to reach the receiver and even then, with her declining eye sight, she often could not read the numbers.  It seemed to be a losing battle but she lived with it.

Recently, while I was at her home cleaning out closets, the phone rang.  I hurried over to answer it and was greeted by a friendly male voice telling me he would like to send me five weeks of free copies of the Los Angeles Times newspaper.  I asked whom he was trying to reach and he said..."Grace Rinaldi."  I informed him, politely, that my mother has passed away and would he please remove her name from his list.

He persisted saying,  "This a FREE offer, not to be repeated, and I can send out 5 weeks of FREE newspapers."  

I did not want to get ugly.  I have family members and friends who at various times have had to do the thankless difficult task of cold calling to provide an income for their lives and I know this young man was just trying to do his job and earn a living.  So I replied, patiently, ..."I don't think you have heard me correctly...my mother has died."

He continued...."But this is a free offer..."

I interrupted..."Grace Rinaldi does not live at this address anymore...she is DEAD."

I was stunned by my own words.  The reality of them washed over me and I just wanted to curl up on the floor and cry.  My mother is dead.  What do I do with that reality?  How do I contain that fact and move on?  

There was a long pause on the line...What had I done?  How had I affected this young man?  After a moment or two the young man's voice was back and I was hesitant to hear how he would respond to my announcement...and he said to me, in a soft, gentle, empathetic voice...."Well, could I send YOU five weeks free of the Los Angeles Times?"