I Am A Niece - Remembering Aunt Mary

In an Italian Family, there are very vague boundary lines drawn around those who are considered family. La Famiglia is the number one priority.  It is the touch stone of your heart and your identity.  It is the basis of most decisions you will make.  It is the gravitational pull of your strongest loyalties.  When all else fails and disappoints, you still have “family.”  Family encompasses those with whom you share blood, “il sangue” but it extends beyond that.  It embraces ALL the cousins (i cugini). It doesn’t matter is you are third-cousin twice removed on the chart, you are Family.  It extends to spouses and best friends; marry someone of Italian descent and you marry the family.  It embraces anyone who has stood next to you at important moments of your life…best-man and maid-of-honor, godfather and godmother (i compari) and the children and parents and siblings of those people. When you are considered best-friend, you have entered the family.  You can walk into anyone’s home without knocking because you are family.  There is always a place for you at the table. There is always time for you to share a cup of coffee or a good cry.

Much of this flies in the face of our modern world.  People look askance when a relative helps themselves to a soda in your refrigerator without asking first.  They don’t understand when you pass up a chance to see a “once in a lifetime concert” because you have a birthday party for an uncle to attend.  They don’t understand when you throw a big, fancy celebration that is NOT advertised as “Adult-only party, please no children” but has little munchkins running between the adults, grabbing cookies and sliding on the dance floor.  They don’t understand the concept of La Famiglia. And, it falls to the elders in the family to ingrain this concept in the younger family members.

This week, I lost the last member of my parents’ generation in my family.  Mary Louise Steinert, my father’s younger sister, my Aunt Mary, died at the age of 95.  

 

Bing, Mary Louise, Archie (my dad)

She spent her entire life in the Rinaldi Homestead…the two-story house in Kent, Ohio where my grandparents lived, where my father was born, 

where she brought her beloved husband (John) and where they raised their 5 children.   

Uncle John, Aunt Mary, Grandma Rinaldi, John, Veronica, Laura, Mary Jo and Joey

Even with the various “remodels,” I, the niece who moved all the way to California 62 years ago, knew that house like the back of my hand.  Distance and time made no difference.  

I found ways to visit Aunt Mary through those 62 years, the last visit in May for her 95^th birthday celebration.  Each time I was with her, I was a little child again.  I always felt her love, her acceptance of me and her pride in me.  She made me feel like a million dollars, like I was her most favorite person in the whole wide world!

 

With Aunt Mary at her 90th Birthday!

If I close my eyes, I can see her beautiful handwriting addressing my birthday and Christmas cards.  I received one every single year of my life. Even this last birthday, just 24 days before she died…when she was weakened, I receive this Facebook post from her!

She has impacted my life because she was a prime example of a woman who lived her life in a state of love and hope.  Despite various tragedies, being left a widow way too early in her life, she always approached life with the belief that there was much to be grateful for and tomorrow would be better.  She knew how to find laughter and silliness in even dire circumstances and she passed that on to us.  She knew how to be present in the moment, whether it was at a Kent State basketball game, a dinner in Laura and Walt’s garage, around a table playing cards with others, making just one more afghan for one more person, rolling out homemade gnocchi, opening her arms to comfort a crying child.  

Because she was such a huge presence, her death will leave a huge void.  The house at #627 will feel empty now that she is not inhabiting it.  Her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, nieces and nephews, friends and compari will miss her.  But, at the same time her legacy will continue to brighten the world because she has imparted who she is to all of us.  She always gave her ALL.  We can all close our eyes and hear her laughter.  We all have our own “Aunt Mary” stories. And because of her, we will all hold “La Famiglia” just a little closer.

I love you, Aunt Mary.   Thank you for helping me become who I am.   See you later, Kiddo!!