I Am a Tanguera - Making the Connection

"Every relationship is a dance, every dance is a relationship. How to create both full of grace and ease is the quest of life." Ilona Glinarsky, our tango instructor.

Over 12 years ago Jay and I, having been co-workers many years previous, reconnected on a dance floor at the Mayflower Ballroom in Westchester while attending a Ballroom Dance Class.  We danced a rumba!  Ever since, dancing has been an important part of our life and our relationship.  We have done all types of ballroom dancing and that means that we dance actually touching each other; Jay leads and I follow...well, most of the time.

A few years ago, to bring more diversity to our dance experience, we decided to try Argentine Tango.  Picture Forever Tango...hear the melancholy sound of the bandoneon...feel the passion of the embrace.  While Jay does not wear a black suit and a white Panama hat and I do not wear 4 inch stiletto tango shoes nor carry a rose between my teeth, we do approach this dance differently than the regular ballroom dance.  Tango is unique in that as well as giving us the traditional roles of leader and follower, it also asks us to connect in a very special way.

The dance begins before the first step is taken.  It begins when you enter the embrace and start to connect with each other...and the connection is crucial.  In one class we were told that when you first embrace your partner it is like the "leader" is dialing the phone to the "follower."  The phone begins to ring and he must wait until the phone is answered and the connection is made with the person on the other end of the line.  Then, only when the connection is there, is the first step taken.

It is a challenging dance that requires full concentration on each other and the music.  There is no time to scan the room to see who is there or what others are doing. It takes every ounce of concentration to focus on your partner, for Jay to take responsibility for conveying the dance steps to me in his lead and for me to focus on surrendering to and trusting his lead.  This is not easy for two independent strong personalities!

The lessons we learn on the dance floor translate into our daily life as well.  In real life, sometimes Jay leads and I follow and sometimes I lead and Jay follows.  But we can't both lead at the same time.  We tried that once in a double kayak in Alaska where we were both trying to steer and it just didn't work...we didn't get anywhere.  For both of us, our dance and our life is an exercise in trust and surrender of our need to control.

We take classes with Ilona Glinarsky, a classical dancer originally from Russia, who understands Argentine Tango. We welcome the opportunity to practice this relationship lesson on the dance floor.  The tango music begins, Jay opens his arms, I walk into his embrace, he learns his forehead against mine... "ring, ring, ring..."



I took this video of our instructors at class Wednesday evening...enjoy!