I Am a Wife - Celebrating Our 12th Anniversary

Time flies when you are having fun!  12 years ago today Jay and I first exchanged our marriage vows with each other.  We were on our first trip together, standing in the piazza in front of the Duomo (Cathedral) in the wonderful seaside medieval town of Cefalù and I was telling him how my great-grandparents had been married in that church.  We were already engaged, had a wedding celebration planned for the coming February, and had been discussing and writing our vows on the plane as we flew to Sicily. But at that moment, Jay took my hands and said..."Patricia, will you marry me?"  I said "Yes!" and we pulled the pieces of paper from our pockets that held the words we had written of promise and commitment and we said the words to each other.

Marriage is the contract between two people and we forged our contract that day, in that place and that is what we celebrate as the anniversary of our marriage.  Later, in February we registered with the state of California by obtaining a marriage license and we had a public celebration of our union with our family and friends at La Venta Inn in Palos Verdes Estates.

But our true anniversary is January 5th.

This marriage came as a surprise to us (and to our families!)  We were two people of "a certain age" and each had a full, productive, satisfying life. We were not looking for a life partner.  But we discovered that when you are willing to just let life unfold for you, there might be something you don't expect right around a corner. 

This weekend we read an article in the New York Times entitled "The Happy Marriage Is The 'Me' Marriage."  As we read the comments of Tara Parker-Pope about what constitutes a happy marriage we could relate.  She cited research that shows when couples experience self-expansion in their relationship they are more likely to be committed and satisfied in the relationship.  While Jay and I share many common interests like reading, taking classes and learning new things we are also very different in our basic personalities and family backgrounds.  Jay claims we have "orthogonal" components and I had to look up the word...but he uses the word to mean we are different enough that we expose each other to new experiences and people and as a result we both become bigger than we were before.

It is second marriage for each of us and came at a point in our lives that means we will probably not celebrate a 50th anniversary.  But for the years we have left together, we are going to rejoice and celebrate and appreciate the life we share.