I Am a Participant in Life - Paying Attention

As I sit here trying to capture what has given my life meaning over the past four days, I realize I have experienced highs and lows, periods of glorious delight and moments of deep sorrow, I have felt connected and I have felt alone...in a nutshell "Life has been in session." 

A couple of days ago we joined some friends, Al and Marilyn, for a traditional German lunch at the local Alpine Village.

Al, an immigrant from Germany when he was a teenager, revels in his native food and I love to hear him say the names of the various dishes. 

After eating, we shopped in the German market and took home a smoked ham hock, some German tilset cheese and...(whisper) an apple strudel still hot from the bakery oven.  I felt connected to these dear friends and enjoyed the outing with Jay.

Another day, I took my mother to her audiologist, to get her new ear molds that should hold her hearing aides tighter in her ear and improve her reception of the sound around her.  I listened as she told Dr. Sunni McBride of her frustration as she tries to hear on the phone or watch TV and how isolated she feels when she cannot enter into conversations around her because she cannot understand what is being said. My heart aches as I watch my mother, always a vibrant, active woman, experience her life shrinking.   I appreciated the time Dr. McBride took patiently instruct her on how to best use her devices. Yet, I feel powerless.

Later that evening, there was a knock at the door and Spencer, the 12 year old who lives across the street from us was there with his mom, Felicia.  "We need your help!" they said, as we opened the door.  "Can you help Spencer knot his tie?  He is going to his first Cotillion and his dad, knowing he would not be home now, showed him last night...but he forgot!"  We remember when Spencer was born...How lucky that we got to share in one of Spencer's milestones moments..

Spencer and Jay on Cotillion Night!

Saturday afternoon, we attended Gabriel's hockey game and cheered as he performed with his team, the "gold" Jr. Kings...Squirt division!  While he didn't top last week's game when he got a hat-trick...scored 3 goals...he did get an assist on one goal and he played well and hard.  It has been a joy to see him improve his skill year after year, season after season. I smile to myself when he does something significant on the ice and his little head whips around immediately to where we are sitting to see if we saw what he just did.  And we raise our hands with "thumbs up" to him.  He, too, is growing up so fast, and we take advantage of every chance we can to share in his life.

Then,  Jay and I met my brother, Fred and his wife, Sharon, at the Healthcare Partners building in Torrance to begin a Weight Management class.  We both want to shed a few pounds (goal weights are classified information) and we have embarked on an 8 week journey of calorie counting (ugh), water drinking, and exercise. Fred is the poster child for the success of the program, having already been through the program once and he is "looking good!"  I appreciated that they were taking the course again to share the experience with us and while I resent having to discipline my eating, my savory sauces, my pastas, my wine, I do want to be as healthy as possible. 

Which brings me to the sorrow...last night a very dear friend died, four months after being told he had, unbeknowst to him, stage 4 cancer.  He was 85 years young.  He had a vibrant, productive life...a contributor to the vast knowledge of those around him with his succinct research and pithy analysis of science, government, you name it!  He did not want to die.  Do any of us?  We will truly miss him.

George Clark Sr. - a scientist, a scholar, a friend

So, looking back over the days, I see that while life is in session...things happen beyond my control...it is what it is... that buried in the "stuff" of the things that occur is a pulse...a life force. And even the difficult times can remind me that I am not alone but am connected to others as we navigate this journey.  A wise friend, Fr. Greg Boyle, in one of his Thoughts for the Day said to "Pay attention, so you can hear the sound of life happening."  I try to remember to pay attention and when I do, it brings me joy and it brings me solace.