I Am A Shoulder to Cry On - Supporting Milli and Charlotte

Sometimes it seems like the planets are in a strange configuration or that something outside of our control is causing serious and bad things to happen.  The past week has been one of those times.  On March 18^th I was awakened by the phone ringing a little before 5 am.  I picked it up, said hello and heard a sobbing voice saying, “Mom, my mother passed away last night!”  It was Milli and her dear mom, Basilia, had quietly passed away in her sleep.  It was an unexpected death…though Basilia was suffering with the effects of Parkinson’s Disease and was in an assisted-living home, her vital organs were just fine.  My heart ached for Milli and within 10 minutes I was in the car and on my way to join her at her mother’s room where, with the rest of her family, we sat with Basilia’s body.  There was nothing I could do but be there to hold Milli when she was overcome with grief.

Milli, Basilia, and Milli's sister, Audrey celebrating the King's Stanley Cup win.

Then…2 days later, on March 20^th,  I received a text from my son, Marc saying that Charlotte’s mother was in ICU where she lives, in the Philippines, and had suffered a very serious stroke and was bleeding in the brain.  Charlotte, her only daughter, was here, thousands of miles away, trying to get information in what is basically a third-world country, a foreign culture and on a upside-down time zone.  How helpless and panicked she felt.  I have never met Charlotte’s mother.  But I know she has been in poor health for a long time and that Charlotte has tried, from this great distance, to maintain close contact and see that all her needs were being met.  While she understood and honored her mother’s wish to stay in her native country, the lack of her mother’s presence has been hard for her.  My heart ached for her and all I could do was be there…to hug her, to listen to her outpourings of pain, frustration, anxiety and reassure her that she wasn’t alone and it would work out.

Charlotte and her brother, Brian, with their mom.

Having just lost my own mother two years ago, the pain of the loss of a mother is still fresh.  You only have one mother and you are never ready to say that final good-by.  I also think there is a special connection between a mother and a daughter.  I never had a daughter of my body, but I have been gifted with two daughters of my heart.  I look at these two women, strong and capable women in their own right and I am thankful for their presence in my life.  While I can never take the place of their birth mothers, I hope I can continue to provide a mother’s love to them and be their shoulder to cry on.