I Am a Philosopher - Changing My Perspective

Jay and often walk in our neighborhood and we can become creatures of habit, following our usual path. But sometimes we decide to go a different route.  We pass the same places but maybe from a different direction and invariably we see things we never noticed before or see familiar things in a new way.  I have read that even though we cannot change what happens in life, we can change the way we look at it...change our perspective. When I was working and helping to conduct workshops we called this reframing.  Looking at something in a different way.

I had a real life lesson of this recently and my "teacher" was my oldest son, Joe "Primo"!

"Primo"

Joe called me from San Diego to see how my mother, his grandmother, was doing while she was hospitalized for her recent surgery.  I was anxious and concerned because my mother was having hallucinations.  Doctors reassured me this was not unusual for elderly patients in the hospital on a barrage of medications...but it was disconcerting for me to visit her and have her recount to me things that she insisted had happened to her but that I knew were figments of her mind.  I told Joe my concerns and gave him an example:

"Today she asked me if I had seen the movie!  She said the hospital had put together a wonderful movie of her entire life.  It included pictures and clips of every one of her friends and family.  She claimed the nurse wheeled her into a special room, started the film and then left her there alone for 3 or 4 hours while she watched the entire thing.  Her eyes were alive when she told me and she said it was the most wonderful thing she had ever seen and she was so disappointed that I did not get to see it.  See, Joe, what I mean?"

Joe's response to me was not what I expected!  ..."Mom, that is fantastic!  What a wonderful thing to have happened!  Imagine that Grandma got to have that great experience and she thought she had it for 3 - 4 hours while she was there.  What a gift!  And Mom .... you didn't have to do a thing to make it happen.  Imagine how much time and effort it would have taken you to pull something like that together for her!"  I was taken aback by his perspective and we both started to laugh.  Well, that was one way to look at it!

I am seeker of truth...I study, I research, I read, I think and when I come to a conclusion, it is my reality and I think it is correct.  And maybe it is...but...there may also be another way of viewing the information or situation that is also "correct."  Postive reframing is not about being right or wrong but it is about looking for a more positive way to view something, looking for the good that is embedded in the whole, and maybe even, like Joe, finding the humor in the situation.  It doesn't change things but we might be better able to deal with the things that happen.  Thanks Primo for bringing me this lesson!

Patricia with Joe in August 2011

So tell me...what do you see in this picture?  Is it an old crone or a lovely young woman?