I Am An Elder - Creating a Legacy

This is my first Christmas without my mother.  As I move closer to Christmas Eve and Christmas Day I find myself thinking about the traditions that have evolved over the years and dwelling on past Christmases.  Every year the two weeks prior to Christmas were spent planning and baking the Christmas Cookies.  Last week I sent a message to my sons asking for cookie requests and the reply back from Marc was "I am surprised you had to ask!  Pizzelle, biscotti, cannoli and oh, yes, Peanut Butter and Candy Kisses."  In the past, I made some of the cookies and my mother made others and then we shared.  This year, the task is mine alone.

As I reached for the recipes in my cupboard I pulled out my mother's cookbook.  When she entered her 90's I urged her to leave us a legacy...leave us the kernals of her life...leave us part of her to continue to hold on to.  Each year I would help her with a project so that she could "gift us with part of her legacy."  One year I interviewed her for hours on end about the key events in her life, recording her voice on a digital voice recorder and then creating a set of 7 audio CDs that she gave as her Christmas gift to each of us.

2005 Interviewing Mom for her Biographical CDs.

One year we created a cookbook of her family recipes, each recipe containing the story of how it came to be.

She composed a letter to us that is inside the first page and each book is signed in her shaky hand, Love, Mom.  The last line of the letter says, "Think of me when you prepare them and know how much I love you."

So this year I will make the pizzelle

and when I make the cannoli I will remember making them with her...and I will remember how much she loved me.

As I put the ingredients out on the counter to make the soft biscotti, I find myself wondering what kind of a legacy I am leaving for my children.  I wonder what they will remember of me.  Will they remember the moments in my life when I was not my best, when I might have disappointed them...the things I regret in the middle of the night?  Or will they remember the times when we shared happy life events, when I was so proud of them?  Will they know how central they were to my life and how much joy they gave me?  My mother was a feisty woman...she was strong-willed, she could be stubborn, and at times we butted heads.  But what I remember about her are the good times, the bond that was always so strong, no matter what emotion surrounded us.  I remember her spirit...how fully alive she was and how animated she became when she was surrounded by her family and friends.

I have not gifted my children with concrete items of legacy.  I have not created audio CDs of my life but I have created this blog.  Will this be part of my legacy?  I wonder what happens to blogs after the blogger passes on?  I have printed out all of my posts and they are on my bookshelf in distinctive blue folders.

 Hopefully, my children will recognize them!